My oldest brother is here on a rare visit from HRM, which stands for Halifax Regional Municipality and should not be confused with HMP (Her Majestys Penitentiary).
Were ready to watch the first game of the Pittsburgh-Carolina series.
The ingredients for a great night of play-off hockey are in place.
The Blue Star is cold, honey-garlic wings are in the oven, and the Party Mix is in the bowl.
Disappointment strikes but before indulgence.
Ahhhhhhh...the beer is light!
OK, that wasnt the source of our dismay (although it would be if true).
No, were rotted because Sidney Crosby has been replaced by John Crosbie!
Yeah, thats fiction too, but imagine the post-game interview if JC missed an open net: I couldnt put the puck in the God damn water.
The actual factual source of our disappointment: the game is NOT on CBC.
Its my biggest beef with the national broadcaster since it canceled Seeing Things.
We learn the game is on TSN, a channel I havent included in my satellite package because sports highlight shows are as addictive as Mannas chicken breast sandwiches.
Having access to such programming will make me late for work and put people around me on ignore.
YOU DONT HAVE TSN? my brother asks in all-caps disgust and as if he is about to check into a hotel.
Not wanting to disappoint my guest, I flick through the channels and find no game on pay-per-view.
Everything else under the sun is available including a title or two that would fit on that Topsail Road sign but not Penguins-Hurricanes game.
Its almost 9 p.m., but I desperately call my satellite provider to see if its possible to add TSN ASAP.
The office is supposed to be open 24-7 (including weekends and holidays), but a recording says they are closed.
Pittsburgh and Carolina, complimented by beer, wings and assorted chips, is not looking good.
Neither is my brother, a big hockey fan and, like all Bluenosers, a lover of Sidney Crosby, who is much faster than the molasses of the same name.
In a last-ditch effort, I log on the satellite companys website to explore the options.
Changing programming is one of them.
Im expecting it will take days to do so, but the fine print says it will happen in anywhere from 15 minutes to two hours.
Doubtful, I add the sports package and drop some channels I dont watch.
Like The Comedy Network, for example. It has provided me with as many laughs as university calculus.
Surprisingly, about two minutes later, I have TSN and the game is on.
I marvel at the technology.
With a few key strokes, it seems I prompted a satellite miles above Earth, where James T. Kirk reads his captains log, to change what it beams into my set.
If I knew I had such command over an orbiting satellite, I might have tried using it for an even greater good, like rigging the numbers for Wednesday's $49 million lottery.
But I cant complain.
Thanks to the technology, I get to see the game, sip a cold one, and eat munchies with a contented brother I really dont see enough.
Thats close enough to hitting the jackpot for me.