How I spent my summer vacation

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How I spent my summer vacation (or the third trimester)

* Took pre-natal course. Enjoyable until the horror movies.

* Spent hours debating baby names. Still nothing, despite child's imminent arrival.

* Saw KISS concert. Boyhood dream come true. Spouse not interested in naming the kid Star Child or Gene.

* Enjoyed wife's food cravings as much as she did, particularly the Mickey D's and the ice cream.

* Spent more time in Sears' baby area than some full-time employees.

* Awoken by kid's kicks. Must be uncomfortable for missus. Wondered if Jet Li is the father.

* Threw out 47,643 loads of accumulated junk to get ready for youngster. Hard to part with Atari console, even though it hasn't worked since Pierre Trudeau was prime minister.

* Got sympathy gout.

* Watched father-in-law put crib, change table, and rocking chair together. With a lengthy history of carpentry catastrophes, it was unanimously agreed the job wasn't for me.

* Got addicted to show Mad Men. Hope to be a better family man than Donald Draper.

* Made arse of myself in obstetrician's office. Promise to do better in delivery room.

* Took advantage of summer long designated driver often. Wife says I owe her big time (and I do, for a lot more than the rides).

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