Hair club for little man

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The sheepdog has been sheared. Sandy Morris got a brush cut!

OK, that's not true. I'm just having a little fun at the expense of the mighty Morris, our great guitarist and musical icon.

No, Alan Doyle got a faux hawk!

OK, OK, that was another fib, another failed funny, a great big bomb.

Anyway, enough of trying to meet a minimum word requirement; my two-year-old son is the one who got sheared.

Those of you unlucky enough to read my previous column on his hair know I've been struggling with the length of the kid's mane.

People were constantly mistaking him for a girl or for Kurt Cobain.

(Surely you've heard the rumour - Nirvana's late lead singer is alive and has been spotted in a car seat in a Sobeys parking lot. I'm not going to confirm or deny that, but I will say there are times when the person in that seat smells a lot worse than teen spirit.)

After that first post about the boy's follicles - the first hair piece, if you will - my wife and I opted not to cave in. We let his locks continue to grow and flow.

But we recently reached a point where his hair had gotten long enough.

We got young Ozzy's locks lopped off without even discussing it.

The absence of debate or deliberation obviously meant it was time.

Yes, long hair had become part of who he was, but the boy was being blindfolded by his bangs.

He was constantly pushing it out of his eyes, and a major collision with a wall, patio door or our overweight cat was imminent.

My wife would give him a trim, but it would grow back faster than a Sprung dandelion.

So, we arrived at this unspoken consensus and asked the stylist to give the kid a new, shorter, coiffure - for his own comfort and safety.

My only rule: his hair was not allowed to resemble Bieber's.

We fed him 10,000,000 cheezies to keep him quiet and, snippity snip, the urologist was done ... Oops, WRONG column. That should have read, "Snippity snip, my son has a new look."

Anyway, I'm obviously extremely biased, but I really like his do - except that it makes him look much, much older.

I'm not such a fan of that. It's a reminder the years are flying by and he'll soon be of an age when life is a lot hairier than it was when he was two.


Steve Bartlett had a mullet in high school, and as punishment from the hair gods, rapidly went bald afterwards. Reach him via email at or follow his tweets at SteveBartlett_

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Recent comments

  • Blair Brookfield
    March 05, 2012 - 00:07

    Funny Stuff.