Ahhh, to be two again

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It's become quite obvious why the year between two and three is known as the "terrible twos."

Because it's absolutely terrible, and trying, when two-year-olds:

• pour gallons of soapy water from the tub onto the floor in the nanosecond you weren't paying attention;

• fling full plates of diced tomatoes across the room, all over the hardwood, couches, ottoman and computer;

• look at people in the lineup at the Sobeys checkout and ask, as if the stranger had committed a crime, "What's the big idea?";

• kick their rubber boots off eight times as you're trying to rush out the door;

• smear yogurt, ketchup or other substances in their hair and over anything else within reach;

• blow saliva bubbles for the duration of a trip to the grocery store, despite your continuous efforts to communicate that this is a bad, bad thing.

• drag every toy they own into the living room and actually play with the resulting mess for .0003 seconds;

• eat sand at the playground but not the food put in front of them for supper;

• spit out milk or a half-chewed potato for no apparent reason other than to get a reaction;

• grab things off store shelves and wrestle to keep it, even if it's a box of tea;

• whip toys at the cat at speeds in which the Blue Jays pitching staff would be interested;

• smile with smugness and satisfaction during timeouts, as if their behaviour has been exemplary;

• kick everything off the change table, including dirty diapers and open bottles of baby powder;

• wake up every night screaming for water like they haven't had anything to drink in six weeks, only to have that thirst quenched with half a sip;

• engage in a meal-time standoff, by absolutely refusing to eat a meal they couldn't get enough of a week before;

• scale the kitchen cupboards looking for cheezies or chips ...

Anyway, you get the picture.

But there's another reason why they're called the terrible twos — because you feel absolutely terrible after losing your patience or getting upset about such petty things.


Steve Bartlett was always well-behaved. Email him at sbartlett@thetelegram.com or send him a Tweet @SteveBartlett_

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