Me again, arsehole. You weren't satisfied with ruining my time in the Tely 10 and making me limp around for weeks during the best summer since double daylight savings time in 1988.
No, no, no. You had to push it a lot further and TAKE MY SMALL TOENAIL as well as the skin off the top, bottom and sides of the same toe.
It all peeled off in one freakin' piece, like I had cut the small finger off one of those rubber gloves used by better proctologists everywhere.
Hmmm, speaking of "those" doctors, I'd like to stick something up your ... Oh yeah, I did. Remember that sterilized needle? Hurt, didn't it? Is that why you decided to take my toe top? You wanted revenge? Your pound of flesh?
Well, selfish blister, your little plan didn't work. Losing the toenail and the surrounding skin didn't hurt a bit (and I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of admitting it if it did.)
Having my toe moulting like a snake's skin red-lined on the grossness scale, though, especially as I was walking down the Dollar Store aisle in sandals and discovered it looked like MY SMALL TOE WAS HANGING OFF!
That was a pretty toe-matic sight, but at least it gave me an understanding why some guys wear socks in their sandals.
This tale of toe and woe was also difficult to explain to my two-year-old, who offers to kiss any object, including his cars and spiders in the garden, if there is any reference to it feeling pain.
After I convinced him to stop trying to kiss my toe to make it feel better, he proceeded to stamp on it over and over. Loved that, didn't you, Twisted Blister?
Well at least you're gone now. You rolled off with the skin and toenail. I'd like to say it's been nice, but it's been painful and inconvenient over all, about as enjoyable as being chained to a chair, blindfolded and forced to listen to "Call me maybe" endlessly for 48 days straight.
Bye, Blister. You won't be back, I'll take steps to make sure. As a wise person once said, "Knowledge is being aware that fire can burn; wisdom is remembering the blister."
Steve Bartlett says it's time to start running again before a blister starts forming on his duff. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow his tweets at @SteveBartlett_ He plans on drawing for the winner of the Mount Pearl Curl Contest Sept. 5.