A pain in the glass

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A stream of consciousness on wearing glasses — bi-focals to boot — for the first time ...

° People are saying the specs make me look smarter. Is that actually a compliment? How'd I look before?

° Sometimes, when the room spins, it feels like those special nights back at MUN's Doyle House so long ago. (I miss the careless craziness of the lobby party.)

° Wearing them in the pouring rain is a pain in the glass.

° Spellink haas deeterirorated plastically.

° As well, the glasses are slowing my writing. The editors won't be happy with that. I was already as slow as rural dial-up Internet. Will try to diffuse editor's anger with the joke about the fonts who walk into a lounge and the bartender refuses to serve them. He didn't like their type. LOL

° What's the world record in the eyeglass toss? I could easily break it now as frustration mounts at work station.

° How would the person who invented eyeglasses be received on "Dragon's Den?" "You want people to wear glass on their eyes?" Kevin O"Leary would say. "That's the lamest idea ever ... I'm going to berate you now because that makes for good TV."

° If your ears are burning, it supposedly means someone is talking about you. If your eyes are burning, does that mean someone is watching you?

° Is everybody staring at me or am I staring at everybody?

° My two-year-old son gets a charge out of trying to pull my glasses off. And he has no fear about knocking them off my face. Fun stuff.

° Beer tastes the same with b'y-focals. So does wine. And, unfortunately, broccoli too.

° The girls at Tim Horton's turned the tables and poked fun at me. Usually it's the other way around. Doesn't matter, they could falsely accuse me of committing heinous crimes against mankind and Timbits and I'd be willing to stand in line for 63.2 hours waiting for a large black coffee. As someone might write on Twitter, "#FreakinAddicted."

° Wearing specs reminds me of an ad in a newspaper where I used to work. Over a picture of a rugby scrum were words stating something to the effect of "In Mount Pearl, everyone searches for Steve Kent's glasses."

° I've been called four-eyes, Mr. Magoo and Premier. I understand the first two, but have never noticed my resemblance to Kathy Dunderdale.

° Morning after getting glasses, I excitedly discovered I can read channel guide with ease. "TV Shopping" was on every station. Sadly, didn't see that Shake Weight for Women commercial.

° I have yet to wear glasses playing hockey for fear they'd steam up. That, coupled with a complete lack of talent, would make my puck pursuits even more pathetic.

° Actually, I'll probably get contacts for hockey, although it is a no-contact league.

° Took specs off to write Santa letter for son. Wanted to make sure "dump truck" spelled correctly.

° How long will it take to get used to these #$%^&*! things?

Steve Bartlett took off his glasses to finish this item. Email him at sbartlett@thetelegram.com oer reach him via Twitter at bartlett_steve.

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