Jubilee Medals for Everyone!

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This morning I burped the Alphabet all the way up to the letter Q.

I think that’s a helluva accomplishment.

Can I have a Queen’s Jubilee medal please?

What do you mean I can’t? Surely to God few Canadians have the wind or digestive constitution to belch 17 letters deep into the alphabet!

Come on! At this point I may be the only person left in the whole damn country that DOESN’T have one. You’re throwing these things at every Tom, Dick and Harriet. That’s not to say there are not a great many people who deserve recognition for the things they are doing in their communities and what not, but holy awards overload Batman, the giveaways just don’t stop. And doesn’t giving these things to everybody really lessen the honour for those who actually deserve it?

Hell, some people are even giving the medals back!

In some cases they were mad because nobody would meet with a hunger striking Aboriginal person.

In other cases medals were returned out of sheer indifference.

In other cases it was out of confusion. Sure, a couple of mayors returned them because they said they didn’t see the point of being given an award “just because they were a mayor” even though they — and 1,500 other mayors! — were nominated by the Federation of Canadian Municipalities.

It’s been like a bloody carnival side show: “Step right up, step right up folks! Get to the front of the line and get your Jubilee Medals right here, right here! Yessir, every medal must go, no reasonably padded resumes refused!”

I ask you people, has there been any such thing in recent history that has extended and belaboured photo opportunities for politicians like these Jubilee Medals?

It’s been a year-long PR exercise as every politician from here to forever smiling and grabbing hands to present these things; in fact, for as many medals as have been given out, I’d say there’s almost as many politicians of all ridiculous stripes who have latched their pathetic wagons to the program as a means of getting their grinning mug out there to the masses.

Interesting final thought: The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee — celebrating 60 years on the throne for Queen Elizabeth — was in 2012.

Notice to Kathy Dunderdale: Nice try with the medal presentations yesterday, but aren’t you, like, two months late getting your grip and grin on the go? Or are there 61st anniversary medals coming now too?

If so, maybe my belch-mastery would be deserving of some sweet diamond-coal 61 medal honouring? Surely I can have my snap taken with the premier or Peter Penashue or somebody totally awesome like that, right? #sarcasm


Jamie Baker is the managing editor for The Navigator magazine, www.thenavigatormagazine.com

You can also find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thenavigatormagazine

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