I Hate Newfoundland.

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In an earlier post, from back in early November, I wrote about how I was in a bit of a funk.


I was so young and stupid back then – thinking I had it bad. Now, over four months later and after a ridiculous amount of snow and colder temperatures (record colder temperatures, perhaps? Snodden? Eddie Sheer? Back me up here, wouldja?), my skin is sallow, I have circles blacker than the midnight sky under my eyes, and I feel like I have eternal PMS. Ahhhhh, one of the wonderful things about living in this wonderful, terrible place.


So I decided to look back at this foolishly optimistic list and update it from my current jaded and much angrier point of view.




I've been in a bitter depression for what seems like a long time. I feel like punching the wall, and then jumping on a plane to Costa Rica, where I would give the finger to the land below me as I jetted away to live in a grass hut and do nothing but dangle my feet in a pristine pool of water and pick coconuts off the trees and pet the little forest monkeys all day long for the rest of my life. My daughter would grow up wearing no clothes or shoes (which she would love because she hates getting dressed and wearing socks). It would be grand.


People get into funks for all sorts of reasons...they're feeling tired of the same old routine, they don't like daylight savings time, they're bored with their husbands, they're stressed at work, or they live in a lonely and cold Godforsaken island where the streets aren't plowed and it's perilous to go for a walk to get a bit of Vitamin D (for those who aren't familiar, it's the vitamin that's necessary to evoke the feeling of happiness in a person). That last reason, I'm pretty sure, is the reason that everyone who lives in the beautiful, hateful province of Newfoundland and Labrador is ready to burn our flag right about now. At least burning our flag would generate a bit of heat.


And colder temps than ever, AND these rolling blackouts?! Yes, b'y. Shag it all.


If I'm not wined up, I'm even more wined up, if you know what I'm saying. I bark things at my house-mate (the big hairy one, not the cute little one). I'm not very nice to be around a lot of the time, I know it.


So here is an updated list of things I've been doing in a weak attempt to stay sane and avoid pulling up outside CBC or NTV and beating Ryan Snodden or Eddie Sheerr with my ice scraper (sorry you guys - I know you don't make up the weather, but Mother Nature conveniently lives in some other plane of reality so is as inaccessible as former premier Kathy Dunderdale in these desperate times).


1. Attend some hard core boot camp and kick boxing classes. I've been doing some decent boot camp classes at the Y, which does help with the anger and resentment we hold for this awful season. The last few times at boot camp, the deadly instructor set up this man dummy and we got to kick him in the chest a bunch of times, and then punch a punching-bag-type thing. It was awesome and cathartic. I'm currently searching for some good kick boxing classes. I have a lead, so will let you know how that pans out.

2. Listen to angry music. Like Guns n' Roses' Get in the Ring, or AC/DC's Highway to Hell. We're already in hell, so we should be able to relate to that one.

3. Watch some shows or movies that point out how terrible life can be. We get together with some friends every week or two, and watch a movie. Leading up to the Oscars, we decided to try and see as many of the nominated films as possible. So we saw such movies as 12 Years a Slave, Dallas Buyers' Club, August Osage-County, Captain Phillips, Nebraska, Frozen, Her (amazing frigging movie), and I'm sure there are others that I'm forgetting. These movies are all fairly depressing (even Frozen, in that they live in a world that is always winter – just like us!). So in addition to watching these sad and disturbing films, and commiserating our poor, depressing lives, they also remind us that it could be a whole lot worse than it is. Seriously. I just finished watching True Detective and it is truly poignant. It is also very depressing, and while it will most definitely disturb you, it will also make you bless the life you have. A shitty winter really isn't THAT bad.


4. Read a funny book. While doing angering things is somewhat satisfying, you've got to throw some fun things in too. So right now I'm reading Chelsea Handler's new book, Uganda Be Kidding Me. She is a very funny woman, and I love her. Her other books will make you guffaw to a satisfying degree – in particular, Chelsea Chelsea, Bang Bang. Other funny and satisfying reads include Tina Fey's “Bossypants”, Kelly Oxford's “Everything Is Perfect If You're a Liar”, or Kevin Nealon's “Yes, You're Pregnant, But What About Me?”.


5Stock up on whiskey. Drinking hard core booze is what our ancestors did to stop from killing themselves, so who are we to mess with tradition? A shot of that stuff warms you up right quick, I guarantee it.


6. Get in the tub and browse Twitter until you shrivel like the prunes your nan used to tell you were good for making you go to the bathroom (repeat from my original post). One thing social media is great for is turning your mind into a blank slate, if that's what you want. It can also switch your brain on and make you think, if you want it to. It all depends on which links you click. There could be a scholarly, exploratory essay on Mayor Rob Ford's slovenly drug-smoking, or a little blurb on Drew Barrymore's latest pregnancy. You can choose to enrich your mind, or empty it, but either way, your mind is not focusing on whatever is stressing you out.


7Buy a little something for yourself. Some good suggestions include wine, whiskey, Guinness, or wine. Or if you're at Costco, for example, and have a cute baby in your life, pick up one of the adorable summer outfits they have there for just $7.99, and hope to God that she'll get to wear it.


8Hang out with some wicked girlfriends (this one also holds out from the original post). If you're anything like me, you're more liable to dress up for your girlfriends than any man. Now, before you men get your pee hot, hear me out: We're just a lot more likely to receive appreciation from our lady friends, I'm sorry to say. They appreciate the work and planning that goes into a fierce outfit. Guys don't give a fluff about anything women wear. They'd rather you be brazen-arsed nakid. So anyway. Drinking wine and lots of it, having most excellent conversations that connect you with others of your kind and make you realize that you're normal, will revamp your spirit. Case-in-point: I hung out with some deadly friends this past weekend and guess what...two of them ended up going home and banging their husbands afterwards! You know who you are, ya saucy minxes. So guys, you really should be encouraging us to get together all the time. I've always believed that the Lorena Bobbitts and Brynn Hartmans of the world didn't have a solid group of girlfriends to whom they could vent. If it weren't for girlfriends, we'd all end up murdering our significant others at some point. Either that, or we'd "accidentally" end up shooting them in the woods while hunting together, or we'd just lop off their penis. So fellas - there's also that reason for wanting us to hang with our girlfriends. That said, women are really good at bitching when they get together. Sometimes, it makes us feel better to complain about things. So guys, you should be happy that we have our friends to vent to, otherwise, you'd be screwed and we'd make your lives even more miserable. Love you! :)


9Drink wine, and lots of it (another one that survived from the original post, because this stands no matter what time of year it is). Even if it's not with a group of girlfriends, my God, there's nothing like that red wine glow, is there? After a stressful day, that first sip trickles down through your veins and warms up your whole body. Your cheeks get all rosy and you feel like someone has wrapped you in an electric blanket and is hugging you all night long. Maybe this deep infatuation with an alcoholic beverage is known as appreciation for fine wine, maybe it's alcoholism – I'm not sure. But red wine is my personal poison and saviour. Yours might be a giant glass of vodka, a dirty rum and coke, a Wildberry Cooler, a Pepsi, I don't know. But whatever it is, treat yourself every once in a while (every day, or several times a day, if necessary).


10. Eat a lot of chocolate. Just don't eat so much that it lowers your self-esteem. Been there. Guilty as charged. Show some restraint. Then again, maybe it's a good idea to put on an extra layer of blubber to last us through these power outages, so notch that last bit of advice – eat up and don't feel bad in the slightest!

    12Do a yoga class. For the hour that you're in that room, you can pretend you're practicing on a beach or in your grass hut in Costa Rica. Melanie's Core Flow class at Nova Yoga, is an hour of heat for me on most Tuesday evenings.


    13Snuggle your baby or puppy (again – left over from the original post, and holds true any time of the year). If you're lucky enough to have either one of these critters in your life, give them a snuggle, play with them, or just watch them roll around on the floor. It will put a smile on your face. What problems do they have? None, for God sakes. They have someone to prepare all of their meals, do all their laundry, carry them around whenever they don't feel like walking, and even wipe their arses. They don't have to work or worry about money or gaining weight or improving their relationships. No wonder they don't have wrinkles and are always smiling! Their carefree-ness and just darn cuteness will lift your spirits.


    One last bonus tip – watch this Rick Mercer video. We can all relate.


    Now, let's all hope that when Dannyville gets built that it will have a big dome over it that makes it warm all year. Of course, because the island doesn't have the power to handle that, we may have no electricity for half of the year, but at least it's something.

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    Recent comments

    • northern labradorian
      May 23, 2014 - 10:51

      dont feel so bad up here in northern labrador we are still driving around on ski-doos its may 23rd 2014 n we still got another good 2 or 3 weeks of skidooing the island portion of the province is tropical compared to up here HA

    • Keith
      May 22, 2014 - 07:32

      I too feel just the same as you about Newfie Land ,winter all year round cost a small foutune to leave here in a plane,forget the ferry thats way to exspencive . i visited Cape Spear and i read what the Americans put on a Plaque it stats ,We left it as we found it cold, damp , clammy foggy and rainy never too return.

    • Ronald Regan
      April 30, 2014 - 16:18

      What a heap of crap!!!

    • A. Aguathuna
      April 19, 2014 - 19:51

      Wicky: Whining is no longer hipster fashionable and will not get you n ofurther out of town tah to be hired by the Bay Bulls Clarion.

    • Sheila
      April 16, 2014 - 07:07

      Wow this woman looks old enough to have some common sense and know that you should not whine about a province that is providing a living for you and your daughter. Maybe she was not capable of looking up the weather in the province before she decided to live there. By the way you are no Rick Mercer, he has comic talent you just come across as a whiner.

    • M hammond
      April 14, 2014 - 17:46

      Disgusting article

    • Jim Scott
      April 14, 2014 - 15:50

      :) Well done, Heidi.

    • Rick
      April 13, 2014 - 04:34

      Yep! NL sucks. Most people who were born and raised here don't know what they're missing, because they have never left this Island. Instead they get offensive and challenge my opinions with ignorant sarcasm. But hey don't forget...we have the shortest summer in Canada to look forward to, then in the fall three quarters of the population goes back to unemployment. Then winter again. I'm not buyin it...the whole Newfie shuffle thing. Bleak and sad. Its back to the west coast for me... of Canada .. not the island! Fresh local fruit (non gmo), tons of vitamin D and long warm summers...with green grass all winter. :-) Oh and "Proper" English. see that! I'm properly using the word "proper".

    • Cyal8ter
      April 08, 2014 - 15:21

      If you hate it here so much do as many before you and leave. Da sooner da better with yer crappy attitude.

    • Bert Foote
      April 06, 2014 - 20:45

      NFLD. Greatest place on the earth to be from. Those that have left by choice always wish to return, not because of the weather though. Those that have remained all there lives all wish to escape, especially when it is not July or August. Those that left for economic reasons think of NFLD as the holy land where they will someday return, just not in winter. It is amazing that a place with hardly enough soil to grow anything edible, weather that is excruciatingly not cold enough for winter activities regularly, not warm enough for summer activities reliably, grey and overcast, lost in deep fogs for weeks on end, endures weeks of FDR, Fog Drizzle and rain, in June or any other month. Snow that is normally heavy and wet and a multitude of other trial and tribulations related to weather and geography. This place has some of the friendliest, warmest, neighbourliest, helpful and caring people. It also has the first sunrise in north America, its own time zone, whales, icebergs, sea kayaking, tuckamore, fossils, clean clear water everywhere, and numerous other qualities that just plain amaze and attract locals and visitors from around the world. It was not meant to be settled. Those that did settle did so against all odds. Those that are able to remain are the luckiest of all. I feel for you, but, suck it up buttercup. You are in the best spot on earth.

    • Squeezy
      March 30, 2014 - 13:19

      Enjoy. "Love ya". XXXOOO t

    • any sane man
      March 27, 2014 - 13:38

      in other words, "my narcissistic self rules".. thanks for re-enforcing my mom's advice about the type of woman any sane man should stay away from..

    • Linda
      March 27, 2014 - 12:56

      I loved this article. I don't live there now but did for 50 years so can relate.

    • cyril
      March 23, 2014 - 22:35

      Heidi great writing, certainly got a way with words. Love it.

    • Brendan Doyle
      March 22, 2014 - 18:20

      You are really a hoot Heidi. Can's say when I have enjoyed reading your bit so much!!

    • SRH
      March 21, 2014 - 15:22

      My advice: if you don't like it here, leave! Your position on this wonderful island can be filled very fast. Also, I will take cold temperatures any day over high crime rates, over population, and poisonous creatures, all features of warmer climates.

    • Lanny Morry
      March 20, 2014 - 16:41

      Relax! You will get those two weeks of summer all we Newfoundlanders hold their hearts and souls open to.... sometime between June and September of this year -- just like always! Patience... patience!

    • Thomas
      March 19, 2014 - 10:17

      Good suggestions. Or you could do what I did - Embrace winter and all it has to offer. And when you really get sick of it hop on a plane to some sunny compound walled in destination surrounded by total poverty for 10 days and upon landing back to NL in -30c thank your lucky stars you live where you do.

    • It's balmy in St. John's compared to some Canadian cities.
      March 19, 2014 - 07:36

      St. John's is balmy compared to Fort St. John B.C. where I spent 4 weeks during February and March. The town in North Eastern British Columbia was so cold that before one could venture out doors, the vehicle had to be turned on for at least 20 minutes before you could drive it, or else you would blow the engine. The temperature was twice as cold as St. John's. While there I took a trip to Edmonton and it was colder there, the wind chill factor, as reported on the radio, was minus 60. Apparently that same day the wind chill factor in Winnipeg, Manitoba was even much colder.

    • Ahmed Elnahas
      March 18, 2014 - 09:00

      :) couldn't be better

    • Eunice Ryan
      March 18, 2014 - 08:19

      This is about the worst article I have ever read in the Tele. Are we out of news? If you want something to think about, how about the Malaysian flight 370?, and not knowing where your loved ones are. If they are dead or alive. From a lover of our scenic , hospitable Province. J

    • Mack Hall
      March 18, 2014 - 08:10

      Gosh, Heidi, what ARE you going on about? The high here in Kirbyville, Texas yesterday was 21C. The apple trees are blooming, the jonquils have been out for weeks, the bluebonnets are waking up, and I need to mow the yard again. You may well assume a 'tude of smugness in July, August, and September, though, when the gasping, soul-sucking heat and humidity are enough to cause anyone to despair of meaning in the universe.

    • ronda parker
      March 17, 2014 - 17:25

      Love your blog ..you are right on and so honest....Thanks and love to your family and to my dear Friend Paula xox

    • Heidi W-S
      March 17, 2014 - 13:54

      You aren't the only Heidi who dislikes the Newfoundland weather...I ran away to Qatar to avoid winter and it has been 11 years now :)