The van

Naturally - We are travelling to Montreal in my husband's van. I don't like to pester him, but I couldn't help but notice that the perpetual mound between his driver's and passenger seats hasn't shrunk.

So I asked him if he was planning on cleaning the van before we try to go on the Argentia ferry in it with a dog and cat and a substantial amount of our belongings. He said the thing he always says when I present any level of dissatisfaction about anything.

"It's not too bad."

"There's quite a lot of stuff in there."

"It's only a second to clean that up."

"I noticed a sack of Tangy Zangy sour candy sticks."

"I got those for Juliette."

"There's an orange caulking gun, a purple utility knife, matches from 3 Amigos Resto Bar, and a Holiday Value Assortment of 24 cards and envel-opes."

"So?"

'Face to the Gale'

"So the blue dragonflies and irises and white water lilies have come out, and we're down at the swimming hole every afternoon, and those cards have snowmen on them and poinsettias and reindeer.

"There's also a package of four diesel and gas stabilizer pills. There's a 4.73 litre bottle of 5W-30 motor oil, Martha Wainwright's and Gilles Vigneault's self-titled CDs, Ron Hynes' 'Face to the Gale,' and a copy of Harper's magazine with the headline, 'Turning Away from Jesus.'"

"I was looking for those stabilizer pills."

"There's a work sock, a funnel, screwdrivers and wrenches."

"Those are good wrenches."

"A pair of North Face size 13 sneakers. A bottle of Dex-Cool extended life antifreeze coolant. A broom. A snow shovel."

"That's not a snow shovel, it's a dust pan. Carl and I bought that on a job in Glovertown for $4. It was a snow shovel but I needed a dust pan so I broke the handle off."

Grade 1 valentine

"Your briefcase. A pair of Speedo trunks. 'No Logo' by Naomi Klein. I was wondering where that went."

"Now you know."

"A Honeywell heater. A square aluminum pipe. Some kind of plumbing."

"That's an A.B.S. four-inch cap."

"A hole punch. A panel breaker. What's this thing?"

"A spare handle for my polyure-thane gun."

"What about this?"

"A stove plug."

"A Holy Cross Elementary 2008 Spring Elementary Variety Concert program. Is this a mask?"

"For breathing around toxic chemicals."

"A James Keller and Son Dundee orange marmalade pot. Blue pants made in Mexico. A Lufkin classic inch-wide measuring tape. Miss Pond's Grade 1 class Valentine list."

"I kept that so I'd remember their names. That's my piece de resistance."

We booked the Argentia ferry because I'm not sure how many miles I can stand in the van.

Besides the aforementioned, there is the fact that the heater malfunctions. The only way you can turn it off is to stop on the side of the highway, take a pair of pliers and disconnect some tubes leading to the motor.

This, my husband says, is not too bad.

If I get too hot around the knees, and the reindeer and snowmen aren't enough to cool me down, I aim to disappear at a train station in Nova Scotia and buy myself a one-way ticket in the sleeper car.

Kathleen Winter is a freelance writer who lives on Butterpot Mountain. Her book of fiction, "boYs," was published in 2007 by Biblioasis.