Is St. John’s preparing to welcome superheroes? Possibly.

Tobias Romaniuk
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Is there a clandestine effort to recruit superheroes in St. John's?

Quite possibly, and the clues are littered around the downtown area. For instance, there's a covered dish-type object on the top of the Fortis building.

While the official explanation is that it's a standard communications device, under that cover could very well be a high-powered signalling spotlight. Could the equipment be used to summon some caped vigilante?

At 12 storeys, the Fortis Building stands alone, towering above the surrounding beautiful structures that, unfortunately, don't have the stature required for superhero activity.

Looking to the future, St. John’s council appears to have realized a shortfall in their plan to encourage superhero activity in the city.

The question must be asked. Are these proposed tall office tower and hotel buildings being built downtown for business growth, or to encourage web-slinging superheroes?

St. John's Mayor Dennis O'Keefe admits Spiderman wouldn't have many places to swing from in present-day St. John's.

In fact, his entire web-slinging needs could likely be met with a small ball of cotton from Fabricville, said the mayor.

Are the under-construction buildings an attempt to get a Spiderman-type crime-fighter to move to the city, or perhaps an effort to give Superman something tall to jump over in a single leap?

The possibility of Superman visiting our fair city isn't so outrageous.

Unlike many urban centres, St. John's still has phone booths on downtown streets.

They're made of clear plastic and don't have doors, but with Superman's super-speed, changing in them shouldn't be a problem.

Despite all this potential proof of superhero activity, the mayor maintains the city does not currently work with any interplanetary immortals, spider-bitten youths, or costumed, orphaned billionaires.

O'Keefe said the city has yet to call on a superhero, but he didn't deny the possibility of it happening in the future.

"If we were going to call on anybody for assistance, I think what we'd have to do is designate a superhero in St. John's and that's the person we'd have to call on for help in times of need," he said.

He was quick to outline the procedure the city would need to take if they were to seek out a caped crime-fighter.

There would be a call for resumes and applications, and each applicant would be asked to outline their skills and qualifications, said O'Keefe.

Furthering the possibility that a behind-the-scenes campaign is underway, O'Keefe repeatedly refers to this would-be superhero as Captain St. John's.

But before any superhero-like activities are undertaken, the mayor said there is a process that needs to be observed.

Like so many city hall projects, this one would also start with a public hearing.

That hearing would revolve around placing a signalling device, similar to the Bat Signal, on top of city hall.

Or it's quite possible that the city has already done all of this, and is already using a clandestine caped crusader. After all, the mayor is quick to point out St. John's is full of everyday heroes.

"… there are so many people in the city right now who would qualify for Captain St. John's that I would think that it would be a difficult choice for city council to decide on one superlative individual."

Of course, the province used to have a superhero, but Captain Newfoundland hasn’t been heard from in some time. Perhaps he’s retired.

Unlike Batman, our good Captain has embraced modern comunication. Reaching out to him doesn’t require spotlights on top of city buildings. No, Captain Newfoundland has email.

But as of deadline, the Captain hadn’t returned The Telegram’s request for an interview.

He was probably out saving the world. Hopefully he’ll answer soon.

Until then, the search for evidence of superheroes in St. John's continues.

 

telegram@thetelegram.com

Organizations: Fortis Building

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Recent comments

  • Max P
    September 06, 2012 - 12:51

    What.

  • fungeek
    August 29, 2012 - 09:29

    ^Someone's a bit stiff. It's refreshing to read something so light hearted with all the negative news posted in todays media.

  • Dan
    August 29, 2012 - 08:18

    slow news day...wait this is the Telegram after all!

  • carogers
    August 29, 2012 - 08:02

    Have you completely lost you mind,Tobias Romaniuk? this is the news paper not a comic book. What a waste of space. You can't get full coverage of real news stories online only only a sampling of what is in the paper copy, but this foolishness is again a waste of space.