Cheers & Jeers

The Telegram
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Cheers: to a dry sense of judicial humour. Down on the Burin, Judge Harold Porter strikes again. Porter, who once quoted lines from the song “Teddy Bears’ Picnic” in a verdict, had this to say in a recent case: “On May 30, 2014, the accused was served with a summons to a person charged with an offence, which required him to attend this court on June 11, 2014, at 10 a.m., to answer to a charge of breach of probation. He was not here on that date, and so a warrant was issued for his arrest. On the morning of June 12, 2014, the accused appeared at the police station in Marystown, asking for a ride to court. He was arrested, and the ride to court was provided.” The ride to court was provided — indeed.

Jeers: to cut No. 947 in the death of 1,000 cuts. Once again, CBC takes a budget hit, and once again, journalists and other staff are laid off. Sure, the CBC isn’t perfect, but then again, who is? And with each cut, its abilities wane. The less useful the CBC gets, the less used it will be — and the end result will be a useless appendage, something the Harper Conservatives have always wanted. But don’t worry: the Tories will maintain their ability to keep contacting you with their own taxpayer-sponsored interpretation of the world, the Tories-know-best version. Who needs a CBC, or an enhanced pension, or the environment, or science or facts, anyway? It just gets in the way of overweening ideology.

Jeers: to excellent drivers everywhere. Here’s what happens when impatience overrides the rules of the road. Trying to get around an accident in St. John’s on Friday, this driver decided the best thing was to drive on the wrong side of the road — plugging the street like a cork. A learning experience? Probably not.

Cheers: to world-class World Cup suggestions. So, Louis Suárez of Uruguay has been suspended for nine international games for biting an opponent. Suárez has a history of chomping the opposition. But why not give him a stern lecturing, and a stern Lecter-ing? Why not just make him play soccer wearing the protective headgear sported by Hannibal Lecter in “The Silence of the Lambs”? The overarching embarrassment might do what nothing else has seemed to be able to solve: drive home the message that biting is for two-year-olds.

Organizations: CBC, Harper Conservatives

Geographic location: Marystown, Uruguay

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  • Bored with toothless Tely
    July 01, 2014 - 07:27

    I don't get the first cheer. Which begs the question: It is not only CBC being neglected! The jeers for the necessary death of CBC is fine, but The Tely is not that lucky to get to die, because it is being turned into The People's Buzzfeed after 135 years it is becoming a Zombie of the newstand. Can't blame Harper for Steve Bartlett wanting to be The Onion, can you? Oh, you just did. This rag is not Reason, or Inquiry and has no more science than CBC, or Vice. Overweening advertisers? How can ideology be overweening? Ideologues? Tely has no bite and despite the current and hip Hannibal Lector joke, it never will ever be more than a regurgitate of others work and never do its own investigative journalism that could affect its advertising sales. =useless- lets kill it, and see what takes its place. This paper won't make it thought the winter without a MAJOR ONLINE overhaul to begin with. Absolute garbage, getting worse everyday. I will never pay for this, or CBC or watch you annoying Jim Burton ads. Goodbye TC Media. CBC is holding the door for you.