With a bang or a wimper?

Ed Smith
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I don’t know about you, but yesterday I noticed a definite increase in the length of the day.

This morning I’m sure dawn cracked a few moments earlier than usual. I was there for both and I’m telling you, people: the end is nigh.

You don’t think these are signs enough for the impending end of time? You are in the minority. People all over the world are looking around them and observing various natural phenomena that are noticeably unnatural, and drawing unnatural conclusions.

Birds are falling out of the sky in the southern United States and elsewhere. Thousands of them, obeying the law of gravity and coming down like black feathered hailstones. Before the last one hit the ground, those in tune with the music of the spheres were on the Internet, trying to warn the rest of us that we should repent, repent, repent.

Repenting, like confessing, is good for the soul and far less dangerous.

The fowl rain was only the beginning. Elsewhere in those same states, fish went mammaries up in their millions. I don’t know if fish have mammaries, ma’am.

On reflection, I doubt that they do. I’m just trying to make a point here. Fish were going belly up in certain places, and it’s a safe bet they weren’t drowning.

Again, this tended to draw ever-increasing amounts of attention from the doomsday groups. They take it upon themselves to interpret “unnatural” phenomena to the rest of us in terms we can understand — such as, the sky is falling in.

It’s interesting that a preponderance of those people are found in those very same United States. I’m not an American basher as you all know. I love Americans in their time and place. But sometimes they drive me totally around the bend. Some of them are absolute nuts.

I read just a few days ago that 47 per cent of all Americans believe the world was created 6,000 years ago. That statistic tends to jump back and forth like a flea with the inch. Sometimes it’s 40 per cent and sometimes 50.

Sometimes it’s reported people believe it’s 10,000 years since the creation. But it really doesn’t matter, you know the truth is somewhere in that area.

Thing is, where did that idiocy come from originally? Sadly, it was an Irishman who should have spent more time fulfilling his stereotype of fighting all day and drinking in the pub all night.

A few hundred years ago, an insightful and highly intelligent Irish Archbishop, Usher by name, decided to pinpoint the dawn of creation by working backwards to Adam and Eve. He worked his way through the begats and the average lifetimes of the begattees and came up with the inescapable conclusion that the world and presumably the universe were created a little more than the 6,000 years ago as revealed in the Bible.

That lunatic fringe family, the Duggars of “Nineteen and Counting” fame are among the believers. Don’t get me started on the Duggars.

Does it not scare the living daylights out of you to know that almost half the citizens of the world’s most powerful nation on earth can deny every single scrap of evidence — archaeological, geological and plain scientific fact — to the contrary?

What kind of teachers show their students how to deny their common sense and contradict their intelligence? What kind of religious fanatics shoot such drivel from those pulpits?

What manner of journalists and reporters fill the pages of their newspapers with such pap?

It’s simply incredible. Those are the people who elected George W. Bush, and if given half a chance could make Sarah Palin the leader of the free world. Now there’s something to make you gasp and stretch your eyes.

These are the people who in some jurisdictions won’t allow evolution to be taught in the schools.

Nature wasn’t just going insane in the U.S., of course. In our own British Columbia, a river suddenly ran a bright, neon green.

The unimaginative Western Canadians put it down to a harmless dye someone had thrown in the river as a prank. Not very far from where I live, codfish and herring were being swept in over the wharves by high seas in Triton. My neighbor across the street went down and got some but he said he never did see any sign of the end of the world. Locals weren’t concerned, either.

No great number of additional souls being saved in this area that I’ve heard about. Of course, one good fire and brimstone sermon could change all that.

It does seem to be happening all over. Fish and birds are dying en masse in such diverse places as Britain, Brazil and Thailand.

Good thing this isn’t the last month in the year 2012. With the prophecies stating that it will all be over in late December of that year, this would be proof positive that we should hurry and make out our wills.

I hesitate to think what might happen in the southern States, given the racket some of them are kicking up now. Homeland Security would probably be placed on high alert and martial law declared throughout the land.

Wouldn’t be a bad idea, not because of the imminent end of the world, but because some idiots can put nurse manager who always be depended upon to go off the deep end. I’ve got a feeling we’ll get a chance to see that for ourselves.

I really don’t know what’s happening around the world these days. Apart from wars and rumors of wars, nature does seem to be kicking up hell from the depths as well as from the heights. And I do think we have lots to fear as a result of what we’ve done to our planet and consequently ourselves.

But I don’t think it has anything at all to do with 12/12.

Ed Smith is an author who lives in Springdale.  His email address is edsmith@nf.sympatico.ca

Organizations: Homeland Security

Geographic location: United States, British Columbia, Triton Britain Brazil Southern States Springdale

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