We await the unveiling of the secret agenda

Peter Jackson
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In a way, I’m unguardedly happy and relieved that the Conservative Party of Canada finally forged the majority they so desperately coveted.

It was like a mammoth release of tension: the final burst of a bloom delayed by harsh spring weather, or the glorious emancipation from pain and pressure yielded by an overdue bodily function.

 Now, at long last, Canadians will know the full breadth of Stephen Harper’s great vision, untethered by the pesky restraints of Parliamentary custom.

I was pleased to discover that one William Pritchett of St. John’s also eagerly anticipates this great triumph of democracy.

“On May 2, Canadian voters have a chance to rectify a great wrong that was inflicted by the many on the few over two years ago,” Pritchett wrote in a letter to The Telegram which, regrettably, did not make it into print before the day came and went.

Pritchett is referring to the 62 per cent of Canadians who, in the 2008 federal election, did not expect to elect a government member, nor even the MP they were voting for.

“Yet those 62 per cent voted against the man in the nice sweater,” wrote Pritchett.

This unwillingness to hop aboard the bandwagon can and did lead to “frighteningly undemocratic situations,” he wrote.

“Government cabinet ministers can be forced to use valuable energy and time answering questions and explaining decisions instead of governing as they were elected to do.”

In short, the 38 per cent who clearly desired stable government are undermined by this chaos-

loving majority.

Pritchett hoped for greater minority support for the divinely appointed. He was slightly under the mark.

“Let’s hope that a little more risk explanation (mistakenly referred to as fear-mongering) and constituency opportunism (mistakenly referred to as first to the trough) can shrink the number of purveyors of undemocratic consequences to 57 or 56 per cent,” he wrote, without knowing the tally of nihilist non-compliance would only drop to 60 per cent.

“This will allow the 43  to 44 per cent” — in fact, 40 per cent — “to give us a truly democratic majority government that can focus on the job at hand.”

And the happy conclusion?

“The whole country should then breathe a collective sigh of relief as the few who see the light can bring democratic government to the many who know no better. The (majority) will then be properly silenced and unable to obstruct.”

Couldn’t have said it better (or more sarcastically) myself.

As for me, I’ll be interested to see how many deep-rooted social policies bubble to the surface, now that they’re unhindered by the oppressive forces of tolerance, rights and human decency.

No longer will those righteous pillars within Harper’s team have to muzzle their freely held thoughts about abortion, gays, immigrants, single-parent families and artsy-fartsy siphoners of the public purse.

No more hidden agenda. Can you believe it? What have they got to hide, now that they can do what they want? The agenda — carved into stone tablets, I imagine — can finally be carted into the House of Commons on its velvet-lined cradle.

First and foremost on that sacred script will be the fundamental tenet of Tory rule: “Thou shalt not have any other coalitions before me.”

In fact, there’s probably something in there about being jealous and punishing children for the iniquity of their parents.

Ah, but these things don’t really matter, do they? We probably won’t hear much about them anyway, now that the media will finally be put out of their misery.

No more nosy reporters whining about trivial matters such as public policy and ethics. Herd them into a corral with their notebooks and gadgetry, but don’t let them ask any questions. As it is, that’s only a baby step away from the status quo.

Questions? You want answers to your questions? You, my friends, are seriously deluded. Let the divine right of rule commence.


Peter Jackson is The Telegram’s

commentary editor. He can be contacted by email at pjackson@thetelegram.com.

Organizations: Conservative Party of Canada, House of Commons, Tory

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Recent comments

  • EyeOnTheSky
    May 05, 2011 - 02:50

    I suspect that we won't know the full extent of the damage the New Harper Government will have done until a different party takes power, so well does he hide the things he does! Those low, low taxes he speaks of amount to an 8% reduction since 2005 for the average family, and 40% for his corporate buddies, including those that gouge us every day at the pumps. Motherhood and Apple Pie Jack, and Iggy's campaign managers failed to bring that one to Joe Voter's attention!

  • CP
    May 04, 2011 - 14:51

    81.09% DID NOT vote for the Liberals 69.34% DID NOT vote for the NDP 94.96% DID NOT vote for the Bloc 97.09% DID NOT vote for the Greens. Looks like the Conservatives DO win!

  • Ursula Dowler
    May 04, 2011 - 14:00

    Is there something about Harper that the rest of us just aren't getting . The GG had it in spades today as he rushed , hand outstreched towards Harper , greeting him warmly and then wrapping his arm around him and whisking him off . What is it about the island portion of the province and the other 50 odd % of the country , that we can't rejoice in Harper's victory ? Can so many of us be so wrong ? There are some including the media , who are only too quick to tell us that . A+

  • Stunned Bunny
    May 04, 2011 - 13:24

    Your logic is preceded only by your spelling.

  • Anon
    May 04, 2011 - 12:10

    less than half of the popular vote somehow got this lunatic a majority government. Something is wrong here. I'm amazed I never puked for the amount of times I heard the word 'coalition' even though the only coalition I saw, was the Progressive Conservative-aliance-rightwing coalition. I hope the middle class realizes that they have just dug their own grave.

  • Brian Peter
    May 04, 2011 - 10:10

    I love the comment by WOW, it seemed to hit the nail on the head, Personally I hope that Harper turns out to be one of the best prim Ministers ever. I also head Troudoe speak today about leadership, I certainly pray that he never ever becomes a prime minister his farther ruined one of the worlds best economy`s

  • Wow
    May 04, 2011 - 08:08

    You sound pissed that you didn't get the result you wanted, that's what happens in a democracy. The purpose of elections is to vote for someone not against. If that's what people were doing, probably splitting their votes between Lib and NDP, then no wonder Harper won.