Divine intervention

Bob Wakeham
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Dave Vardy and Ron Penney and other satanic traitors to the Newfoundland cause can demand answers of Kathy Dunderdale about Muskrat Falls till hell (or the Churchill River) freezes over, but they are officially pissing in the wind after the premier recently signed up an incredibly powerful ally for her administration.

You may have heard that Vardy and Penney, highly respected civil servants in their day, along with Cabot Martin, the one-time offshore guru, and John Collins, a minister of finance in the Peckford administration, and a variety of other sinners have engaged in anti-Newfoundland blasphemy, and, if you believe the epistle according to the government's public relations machinery, are all determined to prevent us mere mortals from enjoying a trip to the promised land of reasonably priced electrical power.

And now they have The Almighty to contend with.

That's right, the Higher Power - and we're not talking about the mighty Churchill - is formally on Dunderdale's side.

But don't take my word for it, check out the government advertisement that appeared last week in The Telegram, an ad that included a photograph in which Dunderdale, wearing an evangelic smile from ear to ear, is surrounded in choir-like fashion by God-fearing ministers and priests as she proudly signs a proclamation declaring a "Week of Prayer for Christian Unity" from Jan. 22 to the 29th.

I obviously wasn't in earshot of the round-collared types as they mingled with God's apparent representative in Newfoundland before she used her divine interventionist authority to give the ministers and priests an official stamp of approval for their "Week of Prayer" (and you thought it was only Joey who believed working on the eighth floor of Confederation Building put him within shouting range of Heaven).

But Dunderdale would have been foolish not to have used her visitation with the religiously ordained to get them to drop to their knees to be anointed as Missionaries for Muskrat, beg them to go forth and spread the good word about her little multi-billion dollar project, and to use their powers of conversion to convince Vardy and his gang of non-believers to come out from the dark side and "Believe, brothers and sisters, believe in the power of the Churchill!"

And if God wasn't invincible enough of a comrade in arms for Dunderdale, well, sir, there was Danny Williams (whom many thought of - and still think of - in beatific terms) emerging last week, as well, to condemn to hell's fires Vardy and Penney for daring to question the merits of Muskrat Falls.

The gospel is clear: if you're against Muskrat Falls, you're against Newfoundland, and, by God, you may as well admit you can't recite the words to the "Ode to Newfoundland."

I'm not sure, by the way, how Williams found time for his homily on Muskrat, what with his crowded schedule as the province's richest rink rat, trying to make a buck or two over a parcel of land the size of Gander, and fitting that neatly coiffed hair of his into a hardhat as a gainfully employed member of the mining industry. But he was there. Taking no prisoners, tearing into those awful people not willing to keep their mouths shut. Just like the old days.

God and Danny.

The pulpit proprietors and Kathy.

Vardy and company haven't a prayer.

Now, to be fair, they did have the always devilish Andy Wells on their side.

Wells, by his saucy standards, wasn't screaming bloody murder, but his sermon left no doubt that his Public Utilities Board needs more time if it is to engage the faithful voters of Newfoundland in proper fashion and allow them to make a sane and sensible judgment call on Muskrat Falls.

Not exactly an unreasonable request from his former Your Worship.

But if Dunderdale and her disciples are going to ignore Wells, Vardy and company, they should also be warned that having The Almighty on your side is not necessarily a guarantee of success.

Take the recent example south of the border of Tim Tebow.

Who the hell is Tim Tebow, you might ask?

Well, unless you're familiar with the world of the National Football League, it's understandable you wouldn't have heard of the Denver Broncos quarterback who pulled off a number of miraculous finishes towards the end of the NFL season, and made no bones of the fact that he believed God was in the huddle helping him throttle those heathens on the other side of the line of scrimmage.

But just this past weekend, the Christian virgin locked horns with New England's Tom Brady, a noted sinner who fathered a child outside of wedlock (can you imagine?). And Tebow was crucified. The sinner won out. Big time. The final score: 45-10.

Nevertheless, Dunderdale, I'm sure, is not haunted by Tim Tebow, has probably never heard of Tim Tebow, and knows only that she is right.

She'll continue to tell us to just trust her, to not worry ourselves to death about a decided dearth of information, to ignore the Vardys, the Penneys, the Wells of Newfoundland, those sinners, those naysayers.

She and her government know what they're doing.

And if you don't trust the government, believe in The Almighty.

As that advertisement made clear, the premier has bonded with The Lord. He's got her back.

God guard thee Newfoundland.

Bob Wakeham has spent more than 30 years as a journalist in Newfoundland and Labrador. He can be reached by email at bwakeham@nl.rogers.com.


Organizations: Confederation Building, National Football League, Public Utilities Board Denver Broncos

Geographic location: Newfoundland and Labrador, Muskrat Falls, Churchill River Gander New England

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Recent comments

  • Herb Morrison
    January 21, 2012 - 09:57

    Here's an interesting observation, (or at least I think it's an interesting observatiion). I'm wondering if the politicians and Clergy took any time to exchance notes on how to deal with corruption? Effectively said, Mr. Wakeham