Needed — makeover facials

Ed Smith
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My gosh, the political games are really getting interesting!

Between Obama and Romney, and Dunderdale and Osborne, it’s more than challenging to hazard a guess as to which way the cookies will crumble. I have my opinion, of course, which in due time I will share with you.

What, do you suppose, do any of these people have in common? Can’t be race because there’s only one black among the four of them.

By the way, for those of you who now feel I have strayed into racial slur territory, understand that the single word “black” is a perfectly acceptable descriptive noun for people of colour. I checked it out with Obama and he’s perfectly OK with it. If you don’t believe me, you can contact him. He and I are just like that (imagine two fingers crossed).

Actually, Obama and I do have one rather important thing in common: we’re both hoping desperately that he wins.

Only one of the four political figures mentioned above is female, so what they all have in common definitely isn’t gender. Neither is it looks, although I think the American duo has the edge in that department.

A person’s physical looks is a shallow way to discuss their political strengths and weaknesses. Better by far to examine their facial expressions to see what we might learn from that. It is said that the eyes are the windows of the soul. Perhaps so, but I think it would also be accurate to say that the face is the roadmap to the character.

Indeed, I am reminded of that line from Shakespeare’s “Macbeth”: “Your face, my Thane, is as a book where men may read strange matters.” Given some of the faces I’m about to get into, “strange” doesn’t begin to describe it.

If I’m on thin ice with all of this, read on. You may have the pleasure of watching me fall up to my neck in cold water. Perhaps I should say hot water. In fact, I will.

So here we go. Romney has the comic book Dick Tracy jaw, although it looked better on Tracy. His facial expression says to me that he rushes in where angels fear to tread. Consider his ill-timed attack on Obama immediately after the death of the American ambassador in Libya.

I don’t think he’s the type to spend much time on foreplay, although his wife may be a better source of information in that area. Perhaps sexual habits and preferences are not a good basis for judging political character, either.

On the other hand, consider Clinton and his interesting choice of cigar as sex toy. He’s regarded as one of the best presidents America has ever had. Personally, I’ve never liked cigars and I gave up smoking cigarettes a long time ago. I don’t know what that has to do with anything.

Tom Osborne just doesn’t have the pugnacious expression indicative of the killer instinct so necessary in public life. Unless you consider the fact that he may have just killed himself politically. If that was instinct of any kind, it’s not the kind you’d want to take into major political battle — unless you wanted to commit suicide.

(Apropos of nothing, you may have heard of the mother skunk who had twin boys. One was named In and the other Out. One day Out was inside playing when his mother called him and said, “Out, would you go outside and find In — it’s almost supper time.” In no time flat Out was back with his brother in tow. “Heavens,” his mother said, “how did you find your brother so quickly?” “It was easy,” Out said.

“In stinked.”)

In anticipation of your reaction to that, I do apologize.

Mrs. Dunderdale’s expression is not so difficult to read, but challenging to describe. If I were to put a caption under any picture I’ve seen of her on television, I’d say it was one of continuous exasperation and frustration. It says so clearly, “How the hell did I ever get myself into this? Danny said there’d be days like this, but he didn’t know the half of it.”

Her face seems to be sending the same message as Margaret Thatcher’s did when she was British PM: “OK, I don’t care how many of you want a piece of me, bring it on!” I wouldn’t say it’s belligerent, but how many corners can you get backed into in this life without looking as though you’re ready to take on all comers?

Just as an aside, she wouldn’t have needed that facial expression if she had gone all out at the very beginning to take on Stephen Harper and the horse he rode in on (if you’re not familiar with that last expression, go ask someone on George Street at approximately

2 a.m. and drunk — look hard; you’ll find someone — to explain it to you).

Obama has it made. I saw somewhere last evening that his support among women is way above their support for Mitt Romney. The reason is obvious. The president’s features are reminiscent of one of my favourite actors, Denzel Washington. Washington was once voted the sexiest man in Hollywood.

Now, I put it to you. When Obama resembles brother Denzel, and Romney is stun enough to have Clint Eastwood representing him in front of millions of viewers, who do you think will be president in November?

And, going by the same criteria, who do you think will be premier of Newfoundland after the next election? I can name three I’m fairly certain who won’t be: Barack Obama, Mitt Romney and Tom Osborne.

In the same vein, if you were to closely examine the facial expressions of one Stephen Harper, you would understand why he has so much trouble relating to Newfoundlanders and Labradorians.

We are a warm and loving people.


Ed Smith is an author who lives in

Springdale. His email address is

Geographic location: Libya.I, George Street, Hollywood.Now Newfoundland Springdale

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