Drivers, do your worst

Ken Simmons
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So "Canada's Worst Driver" is coming to Newfoundland. Funny.
Which is exactly the reaction the producers are hoping for, one would expect.
Now, although the program is entering its 10th season, and is hosted by local boy Andrew Younghusband, I have never seen it. However, if the promo clips are any indication, it goes something like this:
The show is really an intervention. A person fears for the lost driving soul of a loved one, a person who cannot see the terrible error of their wheeling ways. Gentle prodding has not worked. Angry admonishment has not worked. Terrified shrieks in the parking lot have brought only amused chuckles.

Left with no option, the loved one pulls out the phone. Videos of texting at the wheel are taken. Make-up in the rearview at speed. Road rage at people driving perfectly acceptably. Notes are taken. Producers are contacted.

If the subject's driving is acceptably hideous, he (or she) and the loved one are invited to take part in a gauntlet of tests. Driving through gates, negotiating tight turns, panic stops are all designed to bring out the worst in these worst drivers. Walls are sensibly cardboard boxes and styrofoam blocks.

Still, there is automotive carnage. Eventually, the worst of these worst is crowned.

Is there a prize? Psychological help? One can only hope.

And so this circus rolls into town this summer. Oh joy.

(If the producers were really interested in gauging the monumental stupidity of our worst drivers, they should tuck themselves into the morning commute some day after a couple of inches of autumn snow have fallen.)

It should not be too tough for the producers to find eight drivers whose daily habits are nothing short of frightening. Finding the corresponding eight loved ones to rat out the worst might be a little tougher.

Who am I kidding? These guys will be buried with applications from jibbering passengers hoping against hope that "Canada's Worst Drivers" will take their meandering, distracted pals from the mean streets of St. John's and return lean, keen driving machines.

Don't hold your breath.

For application info, visit


Geographic location: Canada, St. John's

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