Politics and passion

Ed Smith
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I need to take another look at my Funk and Wagnalls. A CBC political analyst stated after the federal leaders' debate Oct. 2 that it was the most interesting political debate in recent memory. I don't know how he defines "recent" or even, more importantly, how he defines "interesting." We obviously have different dictionaries.
The story of the seven-year-old kid in Australia who fed several small animals to a zoo's resident crocodile is "interesting." It even seemed a bit funny, although not for the smaller critters involved. But then the story went on to say that cameras had also caught the kid "bludgeoning" several small animals to death.
The director of the zoo said they were thinking of suing the parents of the boy because he's too young to be held responsible for his actions. That seems fair, considering that a child of that disposition shouldn't be allowed to run loose.
However, some thought should be given to punishing the boy, who shows all the signs of growing up to be an Aussie Jack the Ripper.
Were I of an unkind nature, and not generally well disposed towards little children, I might suggest he be the dessert for the alligator's next meal. At the very least, I think I'd enrol him in a 10-year psychiatric program for children with criminal intent. Certainly, if I were his parents I'd have chains, dead bolts and the heaviest kind of locks on my solid oak bedroom door at night. The kid's murderous tendencies may extend well beyond our four-footed friends.
The Australian lad isn't alone in being prone to violence. Last week, some young men in one of the African nations got their hands on 11 people who had been accused of witchcraft and wizardry. Never having seen a Harry Potter movie, much less read one of his books, they alternatively smashed their heads with clubs and then slit their throats. To make sure they were good and dead, they also burned the bodies. Perhaps the Australian boy could be sent to live with those fellows, where he'd no doubt feel right at home.
You have to admit that, whatever you think of those chaps, their story is far more interesting than the debate.

Lots of love
Much more interesting, too, is the Mexican man who recently wanted to get married, but whose girlfriend insisted he lose some weight first. He held out for some time, explaining that he was very attached to his weight and losing it would be like losing a piece of himself. She was just as stubborn as he, and, as in all altercations of this nature, he lost.
This request from his intended wasn't as simple as it first appears. She insisted he lose half his poundage! Well, our man was in love, so he gave it the old college try and finally, after almost a year of dieting and exercise, he made it.
He was ecstatic and she, too, was more than delighted. At last they could enter into the joys of wedded bliss.
She came over for the final weigh-in that would tell the tale. He climbed on the scales and there it was, a beautiful 1,250 pounds, just half of the original 2,500 pounds that had won him the title of the world's heaviest man. The story didn't say if they did ultimately get married, or what happened to her if they did.
If the CBC's Keith Boag thinks the likes of Stephane Dion and Stephen Harper gabbing away for two hours is interesting, I don't know what he'd call that.

Juicy Germans
Keith would probably faint dead away at this next one.
Seems this couple in Germany had been "seeing" each other on the sly for quite some time. Unfortunately for them, they lived in a small town where sneaking away was a challenge, to say the least. Love has enough challenges in itself without adding more.
So, they conspired to spend a weekend at an obscure resort in Northern Germany. He manufactured a business conference he just had to attend, and she invented a cousin she hadn't seen in many a year.
Came the appointed time and they set off on their separate ways, but headed for the same happy destination. Free as the birds they were, and to keep with the same simile theme, cheerful as singing larks.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, another drama was unfolding. His wife and her husband were also getting it on, like you would, and likewise anxious for a weekend to themselves far from the madding crowd. Since the other two had business elsewhere in the country, they decided to take advantage of the absence.
They, too, headed off for an obscure little resort in the north, with joy in their hearts and pleasure on their minds. You may already have an idea where this is headed.
The latter two lovers got to their room and immediately proceeded to make up for lost time - a great deal of lost time. When they were finally exhausted they lay back for a well-deserved nap. Unfortunately, they couldn't get to sleep because of the racket coming from the next room.
Someone was having a real party, with loud music and the clinking of glasses and much laughter. Finally, the two decided if you can't beat them join them. So, each wrapping a towel around their middles and taking some glasses and a bottle of champagne with them, they rapped on the door of the offending room.
What word would you use to describe the scene when the two inside the room who opened the door turned out to be his wife and her husband and vice versa?
Whatever, Mr. Boag, there were far more sparks at that point than in that boring little kitchen table prattle Oct. 2.
Passion versus politics is simply no contest.

Ed Smith lives in Springdale. His e-mail address is edsmith@nf.sympatico.ca

Organizations: CBC

Geographic location: Australia, Germany, Northern Germany Springdale

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