Basic strategy

Ed Smith
Send to a friend

Send this article to a friend.

The world is getting curiouser and curiouser. The reasons I say that are obvious to any observer of the current parade of the ridiculous, the stupid and the idiotic.
No. 2 reason is that John McCain, a decent man who is also a military hero, succumbed to a political death wish and chose Sarah Palin as his running mate.
Tied for No. 2 reason is the fact, the now unmistakable fact, that there's a black panther, puma or cougar (or large black Labrador or one mother of a black house cat) running around Green Bay.
Also tied for No. 2 reason is Stephane Maurice Dion, also a decent man whose party had a political death wish and elected him leader.
And the last reason, still tied for No. 2, is another incredible fact: at least one Canadian medical clinic has been using the same needles over and over again on different people.
Gee whiz, Edward Alexander, you say, whatever on Earth could be reason No. 1? Let's let that one lie for a while, while we (have you picked up on the let's let and the while while in this sentence? There's a literary term for that. No, not alliteration. Two words only do not alliteration make. Alliteration would be something like, "Jocular John Jacobs joked gently about his Jewish girlfriend, Judy Jones." I think the term I'm looking for is lousy writing) ruminate about the previous four.
No. 1 reason has to do with the unfortunate John McCain who lost to Barack Obama in the U.S. presidential election Tuesday. I say unfortunate because surely no politician in the history of the democratic world has ever been cursed with as stupid, as imbecilic and as shortsighted a group of advisers as poor John.
Who suggested a person whom no one in his or her right senses could ever countenance being the most powerful person on Earth?
Who went along with the person who suggested her? And most important of all, why did everyone else go along with it?
For one thing, she's far too attractive for that role. Slightly more than half of women voters would never have voted for her. Obama wouldn't have had that problem at all with Hillary Clinton and he still wouldn't touch her. I know I'll be accused of sexism on that one. The accusation may have some merit.
Second reason No. 2 has to do with the ghost of the black cougar. Actually, I hope it's a black panther because I want to write a novel with that title, "The Ghost of the Black Panther." Sounds more poetic than cougar. I mention it here so that interested publishers can begin quoting advances to me.
The rumour has been around for months. "They see him here, they see him there, the people see him everywhere": it reminded me of the Scarlet Pimpernel (remember him?) more than a black cougar. But everyone knows there are no cougars of any colour in Newfoundland - I'm not that sure about Labrador - so I laughed heartily at those people who were spreading the stories.
Then last night we were playing bridge with friends when one person happened to mention that he saw the thing only a few yards from his house, close to the treeline.
No question about it, he said. It was a cougar or a very real facsimile. The only thing this man would stretch is his golf score and that would be down.
Question is, where would such a beast come from? Someone suggested it might have been some tourist's pet, perhaps a little kitten-type animal that grew too large for the owner to deal with. I think it's more likely a cat on steroids.
Is it dangerous? Don't know. The few dogs and cats that have gone missing lately probably just wandered away somewhere. Likewise, the missing sheep.
Anyway, my apologies to everyone I laughed at. That would be a fair number of the people in this area. I hesitate to name you all.
And then there's the third reason No. 2: Stephane Dion, he who had greatness thrust upon him and died from the blow.
While the two major candidates for the job of Liberal leader, Rae and Ignatieff, were busily trying to annihilate each other, the minor third candidate, Monsieur Dion, sort of slunk up the middle and annihilated them both.
In the process he also annihilated any chance his party had of winning the next election.
The fourth reason No. 2: so wildly improbable that it hardly bears mentioning, except that it's true. A medical clinic using the same needles on different patients for years. Medical science just ain't what it used to be.
So now we're down to the main, dang wangingest reason of them all for proclaiming this world to be a very curious place.
Peter MacKay (Central Nova) has been named federal minister responsible for Newfoundland and Labrador.
That's a joke, right? Harper can't be serious, can he? Great God from Gander Bay! MacKay as good as said our premier is a basket case.
A mercurial temperament always looking to explode at somebody or something.
Brother McKay went on with this stuff just a few days after the last election so it isn't exactly old news. Perhaps he was trying to persuade Harper not to lay that particular responsibility on him.
Whatever, the idea is so patently ridiculous that even a fool can see it's doomed to failure.
And there we have it, boys and girls. Danny may think his feud with Harper is over but for the latter, the battle has just begun.
MacKay was asked how he would approach the Newfoundland and Labrador situation and gave a heartfelt answer.
"Very carefully."
Danny Williams would be well advised to follow the same course.

Ed Smith lives in Springdale.
His e-mail address is

Geographic location: Newfoundland and Labrador, Green Bay, U.S. Gander Bay Springdale

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5

Thanks for voting!

Top of page