Kicking a dead arse

Ed
Ed Smith
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Congratulations Canada! We have finally adopted the U.S. political system. We have, for all intents and purposes, changed from a three-party system to a two-party nation. In the U.S. they have Republicans and Democrats. In Canada we have Conservatives and Coalition.
In Newfoundland and Labrador we have evolved one step further to a one-party system. This is thanks to the strength of Danny Williams and the weakness of all the others.
Allow me to explain and moreover elucidate further on our new national political reality. Randy Simms, eat your heart out.
Republicans are generally considered to be conservative in policy and Democrats more liberal. Our Conservatives are also, for some reason, regarded as being conservative, and our coalition of Liberals and NDPs are seen as liberal for the same reason.
The other "member" of the Coalition, the Bloc, is widely regarded as anti-federalist, separatist, sovereigntist and dedicated to the breakup of the nation of Canada. Some people, thanks to George W. Harper's continuous harping on Canada being run by separatists, are scared to death of this.
Monsieur what's-his-face has stated his party will not be part of the Coalition, but will support it with their votes in Parliament.
You're right! Scares the hell out of me, too. However, the Harperites have Alberta practically en masse on their side, so what's the diff?
When did the Bloc shout, "Let the Eastern bastards freeze in the dark"?
Alberta did.
Je me souviens! You think Alberta isn't quietly calculating the cost of going it alone? Think again.
Let's compare and contrast the current American and Canadian political systems.
The Republican mascot is an elephant. Why? (I'm elucidating here, remember, so pay attention.) A cartoonist named Thomas Nash, way back in the 1800s, came up with that idea. He didn't mean it as a compliment.

Strong symbol
However, the Republicans, with the logic for which they're well-known, adopted it as their own because they saw it as having strength, dignity, wisdom and a long memory. If I were a Republican in the post-George W. Bush era, I don't think I'd want voters to have a long memory.
The Democrats' symbol is a donkey. Nash also invented this one. He imagined animals escaping from a New York zoo and had the donkey chasing all the other animals, including the elephant, through the streets. The Ds weren't slow to pick up on that one.
I've been wondering what animal might be a suitable symbol for the Harper Conservatives. It's not as easy as you might think. Finally, I gave up on it and went to work on body parts instead. I found that area rich in possibilities.
For example, there are the Conservative feet which, when operating without a brain, have no idea where they're going. The Conservative eyes, which are incredibly shortsighted. The Conservative heart, which doesn't exist.
Finally, I settled on the Conservative arse. You know, as stunned as me. …
The Coalition's symbolic body part was a little more challenging. Forgetting the Bloc - that's not the challenging part - and including just the Liberals and NDP, much of the body is a two-part system, like the Coalition. The hands, the feet, the eyes, the kidneys. …
I'm forgetting one - that is, two? Oh yes, the testicles. Can't forget the testicles because they remind us that the Coalition had the balls to attempt what had to be done. The point is that the human body works well with the two-organ system, and so will, in my estimation, the Coalition.
I have to smile when I hear all those lovely people going off the deep end because the democratic process is being "hijacked." You may be one of them, Ma'am, in which case understand I don't wish to be offensive to you. I don't mind in the least being offensive to the Harperites because they're offensive to me.
"The Conservatives were elected by the people," they're screaming. "No one has the right to throw out a government that was duly elected by the people."

Other choices
That's one of the points, isn't it. The Conservatives weren't the choice of a majority of the people. If they were, they'd be a majority government. But they weren't, so they're not. The Lord does move in mysterious ways.
The other point is that the Coalition does have the right under the Constitution to do exactly what they're doing in exactly this situation. The Harperites failed dismally to protect people who are being hurt by the world economic crisis.
You think a Coalition government would do no better? They couldn't do much worse now, could they. If they take over and we're no better off economically, we at least have accomplished one thing. We're rid of Prime Minister Harper.
Why am I so adamant in my dislike for Harper the politician and prime minister? I said it all the first time he was elected. I said it again the next time. I don't like repeating it because I tend to get nauseated when I'm going through it.

Personal opposition
Is it personal? You bet your sweet bum it is. OK, the man would have had us chin deep in that diabolical hell they call war in Iraq. The man has indicated he favours capital punishment. The man has said he is against embryonic stem-cell research. The man has treated Newfoundland and Labrador (your province!) like dirt. The man - oh dear, it's rising in my throat again.
One of the reasons for making comments as strong as these is that I really enjoy the e-mails I get from the other side, sometimes on the same day as the column appears.
So, you Coalition types, you can bet the Harperites will be clacking the keys on behalf of their hero. I suggest you should be doing the same thing in support of Michael Ignatieff.

Ed Smith lives in Springdale. His e-mail address is edsmith@nf.sympatico.ca

Organizations: Democrats, Harper Conservatives, Republicans Conservatives and Coalition

Geographic location: Canada, U.S., Newfoundland and Labrador Alberta New York Iraq Springdale

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Recent comments

  • Harvey
    July 02, 2010 - 13:22

    Way to go ,Ed!!! Let loose with more of this...We need it badly!!! You're dead on!!!

  • exactly as
    July 02, 2010 - 13:10

    Ed! If it was summed up any better it would have jam on it! As I read those posts too I thought that civics should be mandatory in school and sex education should be tossed out the window..After all, WHERE did you learn about the birds and the bees.....I'll bet that grassy field down by the beach got some use!! Our dear Prime Rib, I mean Minister, is in no uncertain terms a pro-rogue!! There were only a few places that I found candid analysis of his imminence....and it was NOT flattering. Well put.

    Clifford Orwin: Yes, the coalition was constitutional.
    Clifford Orwin:Yes, Harper acted like a jerk, and he has paid the price for it.

    Quebec election was not exactly a ringing endorsement of national unity and Mr. Harper bears a great deal of responsibility for that

    Norman Spector: In our system, governments, including coalition governments, have the right to do unpopular things.

  • Harvey
    July 01, 2010 - 20:06

    Way to go ,Ed!!! Let loose with more of this...We need it badly!!! You're dead on!!!

  • exactly as
    July 01, 2010 - 19:46

    Ed! If it was summed up any better it would have jam on it! As I read those posts too I thought that civics should be mandatory in school and sex education should be tossed out the window..After all, WHERE did you learn about the birds and the bees.....I'll bet that grassy field down by the beach got some use!! Our dear Prime Rib, I mean Minister, is in no uncertain terms a pro-rogue!! There were only a few places that I found candid analysis of his imminence....and it was NOT flattering. Well put.

    Clifford Orwin: Yes, the coalition was constitutional.
    Clifford Orwin:Yes, Harper acted like a jerk, and he has paid the price for it.

    Quebec election was not exactly a ringing endorsement of national unity and Mr. Harper bears a great deal of responsibility for that

    Norman Spector: In our system, governments, including coalition governments, have the right to do unpopular things.