She can be seen quite often on television. She and her Significant Other are sitting on a chesterfield. Neither seems to have much interest either in the program or in each other. They sit about five feet apart with extremely bored expressions on their faces. Then she speaks sort of blandly.
"My husband and I (not word for word) used to watch a lot of sports. We even watched darts. Then my husband discovered Cialis. Now we don't watch sports anymore."
I have several problems with this kind of advertising. First, what's wrong with darts? That's a slap at every Canadian Legion in the country - at least the ones that sponsor dart leagues. My son plays darts and is good enough that he competes nationally.
So Cialis can replace sports? That would about do it for me. If I have to give up the Blue Jays and the Maple Leafs, they can stick Cialis where the sun don't shine. I don't have much respect for a man who allows his wife to take away his sports. My guess is she's one of those women who hate sports, anyway. Thank God OH isn't like that.
I don't mean that I'd give up quality time with Other Half. It's just that I believe in everything having its time and place but not at the same time. Certainly, the Cialis-induced thing can be sport. It's what they mean by scoring.
You've seen this fellow on television, too, and he also has something to say.
"My wife and I (this isn't word for word, either) used to take long strolls. The strolls got longer and longer. Then I discovered Viagra and now we don't stroll anymore."
It strikes me that he's about as excited by Viagra as she is by Cialis. Neither one of them seems very eager to get it on.
Another problem I have with this stuff is that it's sending a terrible message. How can two minutes of - you know - compare with a good hour's stroll?
While you're at - you know - can you watch the waves crashing up against the rocks of Fishing Point or Cape Spear? Or see the ducks rising off Quidi Vidi Lake or the trout breaking the surface on Davies Pond?
They're just not promoting healthy lifestyles in these advertisements and that is most unfortunate.
Another problem is that they come on at any hour of the day or night, for people of any age to watch and ponder. I'm not talking about your 16- or 17-year-old here. They already know more about - you know - at their age than we do at ours. Sad but true.
My last book was a novel called "The Seventh Day." Those who wrote me about it said that it was fantastic. The last fellow who wrote said it was the worst thing he had ever read. If you still don't know the truth of it, you'll have to buy a copy - $19.95 at better bookstores.
It's full of sex and violence, if that helps.
One of the main characters in the book is a 14-year-old girl whose character is modelled after my granddaughter, Samantha. She was a very mature 13 when the book came out and couldn't wait to read it because of her character. There are some love scenes in the book which are not graphic or explicit, but fairly detailed.
Anyway, Samantha said she loved it. I asked her what she thought of the sex scenes, and she admitted to being a bit uncomfortable with those.
"Come on, Sam," I teased her. "You're in high school now. Don't tell me you don't know all about that stuff."
"Of course I do," she replied. "I just didn't know you did."
She was being quite serious. Younger generations have no idea that we have some knowledge - admittedly not as much as they - of that "stuff." It's an awful shock to their systems when they find out differently.
They did what?!
I well remember at the age of 10 being told by an older boy what my parents had to do to beget me. I was highly incensed.
"My parents didn't do that dirt, my son!" I cried, and promptly lit into him. As usual, I came off with the worst of it, but I upheld the honour of my parents.
I'm not sure it's a good thing at all for youngsters to see that their grandparents are running around gobbling Viagra and Cialis like they were M&Ms. Trying to imagine the oldsters going at it on an almost continuing basis could have them throwing up on exactly the same basis.
It was better in the early days of advertising these things when this fellow would come prancing out of his door on his way to work and skip down the sidewalk practically doing handsprings, having enjoyed a night courtesy of Viagra. Or she'd jump on her bicycle and wheel madly down the street singing something really high from "The Sound of Music."
At least they looked like they weren't octogenarian. This other crowd looks as if they don't have enough energy to get up off their bottoms. By the look of him they certainly took one fellow out of a home for advanced seniors.
"Good Lord!" You can hear the younger set whispering. "If he's at it, my grandparents must be at it, too. Oh my Lord!"
What goes around comes around. Our parents didn't know what we were at when we were much younger. If they did, they tried not to think about it.
Now our grandchildren know all about what we're up to, thanks to Viagra and Cialis, and they're trying hard not to think about it, either.
I don't think they're really comfortable with the idea at all.
Now isn't that just too bad.
Ed Smith lives in Springdale. His e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org