Secret tapes unveiled

Peter
Peter Jackson
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Lorraine Michael: Hey, driver. Who am I, Miss Daisy? Step on it!

Aide: Good one, Ma'am.

LM: We need to get to this news conference on time. Can't miss this chance to stick it to Danno. The (expletive) little weasel's gonna pay for that Eastern Health outburst.

Aide: Is that the right attitude, Ma'am? I mean, we need to focus on the patients.

Lorraine Michael: Hey, driver. Who am I, Miss Daisy? Step on it!

Aide: Good one, Ma'am.

LM: We need to get to this news conference on time. Can't miss this chance to stick it to Danno. The (expletive) little weasel's gonna pay for that Eastern Health outburst.

Aide: Is that the right attitude, Ma'am? I mean, we need to focus on the patients.

LM: (Expletive) the patients. What have they got to do with anything? Now hand me that bottle of Jim Beam and get back to those talking points.

Aide: Yes'm. (Phone rings.) Lorraine Michael's line - may I help you? One moment, please. It's the premier. He wants to talk to you.

LM: That snivelling little coward. He wants me to back off. Hello, Dan? What the (expletive) do you want? What? No way, chump. You've got a lot of gall, pleading with me not to go to the media. Frankly, Dan, you disappoint me. Now, I've got a newser to go to. Ciao, baby.

Yvonne Jones: Rollie, hand me that hair dye.

Roland Butler: You got it, Jonesy. What's on the agenda today?

YJ: Lobster, Rollie. We're gonna get those fishermen back to work.

RB: You think? Sounds like a tough shell to crack. Ha!

YJ: You're a laugh a minute, Rollie.

RB: I try.

YJ: We can do this, Rollie. It's just the thing that'll make my career.

RB: How so?

YJ: Just think about it. Lobster traps. Crustaceans. It's sexy.

RB: Yeah, I know what you mean.

YJ: OK, let's get crackin'.

RB: Ha! Good one, Jonesy.

YJ: I still got it.

Kathy Dunderdale: Premier, I'm beginning to have doubts about this Lower Churchill thing.

Danny Williams: Hey, Katt. Don't sweat it. I've got it covered.

KD: I mean, how are we supposed to get all those megalitres of electricity down to U.S. markets.

DW: Megawatts, Katt. Megawatts.

KD: Yeah, I know. But we can't go through Gros Morne, now that everyone knows.

DW: Yeah, those pathetic little tree-huggers put the kibosh on that. Who do they think they are? They don't own the park.

KD: But now we've got nowhere else to go.

DW: Don't worry, Katt. I have a plan. You see, we can ship the power ... (inaudible) ... and then down through Manitoba.

KF: Wow! You're a genius, Premier.

DW: Um, Rhodes Scholar. Remember?

Jerome Kennedy: So, Rossie. What are we going to do about these (expletive) nurses?

Ross Wiseman: Well, I think the nursing situation in this province is strong. We need to examine where resources can be utilized more efficiently within the health-care system, and where we can make gains in the ...

JK: For the love of God, Ross. Save the tranquilizer talk for the cameras. You're putting me in a trance here.

RW: Sorry.

JK: Frankly, I don't think those nurses have the guts to take a strike vote.

RW: Actually, they already took a strike vote.

JK: Really? Well, I'll bet the support wasn't very high.

RW: It was 87 per cent in the Eastern district alone.

JK: Really? Well, that still leaves 38 per cent who don't want a strike. That's almost one-third.

RW: Actually, that's more than a third ... wait a minute. How do you figure that?

JK: Simple math, Rossie.

RW: Look, they're threatening an overtime strike. That means they'll work regular shifts, but no overtime.

JK: A-ha! What did I tell you? They're too afraid to go on a real strike.

RW: Actually, an overtime strike would cripple the system. Eastern Health is scrambling to make sure they'll be covered.

JK: Well, there you go. We've got Eastern Health on the run. That's something, isn't it?

RW: What?

JK: We're going to win this, Rossie.

RW: (Sigh.)

Peter Jackson is The Telegram's editorial page editor. He can be contacted by e-mail at pjackson@nl.rogers.com.

Organizations: Jim Beam, The Telegram

Geographic location: Eastern Health, U.S., Manitoba

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Recent comments

  • Frank
    July 02, 2010 - 13:27

    Good one Peter. I still think good humor is as good a medicine as laughter.
    Hope you are feeling better these days.

    Frank Blackwood

  • Danielle
    July 02, 2010 - 13:26

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

  • Jill
    July 02, 2010 - 13:21

    HAHAHAHHAHA! (Sigh.)

  • Funny_Stuff
    July 02, 2010 - 13:19

    This is really funny....lmao...I bet this really goes on...Good one Peter!

  • W
    July 02, 2010 - 13:12

    You are giving RW too much credit..........I bet he spends more time asking the IT guy why he can't play solitaire on a full screen window.

  • Frank
    July 01, 2010 - 20:14

    Good one Peter. I still think good humor is as good a medicine as laughter.
    Hope you are feeling better these days.

    Frank Blackwood

  • Danielle
    July 01, 2010 - 20:12

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

  • Jill
    July 01, 2010 - 20:04

    HAHAHAHHAHA! (Sigh.)

  • Funny_Stuff
    July 01, 2010 - 20:01

    This is really funny....lmao...I bet this really goes on...Good one Peter!

  • W
    July 01, 2010 - 19:49

    You are giving RW too much credit..........I bet he spends more time asking the IT guy why he can't play solitaire on a full screen window.