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Peter Jackson
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Former U.S. presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton have joined forces to help raise funds for earthquake-ravaged Haiti. They say they consider themselves friends - who woulda thunk it? Meanwhile, Sarah Palin was asked to participate, but was reluctant because she didn't speak Haitianese. Rev. Pat Robertson was asked, but he was too busy trying to find his soul. They wanted to ask Dick Cheney, but couldn't find him.

Little-known fact: the original plans for the Empire State Building called for a 206-storey structure. The maximum height guideline for Manhattan at the time was four storeys. After heated public debate, the proponents settled on 102 storeys. Also, the original plan was to put a Sobeys there.

Former U.S. presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton have joined forces to help raise funds for earthquake-ravaged Haiti. They say they consider themselves friends - who woulda thunk it? Meanwhile, Sarah Palin was asked to participate, but was reluctant because she didn't speak Haitianese. Rev. Pat Robertson was asked, but he was too busy trying to find his soul. They wanted to ask Dick Cheney, but couldn't find him.

Little-known fact: the original plans for the Empire State Building called for a 206-storey structure. The maximum height guideline for Manhattan at the time was four storeys. After heated public debate, the proponents settled on 102 storeys. Also, the original plan was to put a Sobeys there.

If you ever feel inclined to knock over a liquor store, get yourself elected to public office first. That way, if you're caught and sent to jail, you can be released on parole at the earliest possible convenience.

My greatest regret is never to have moved in Jim Walsh's social class. I remember when he became tourism minister. "My door is always open," he crooned. But I knew it was an empty promise. Oh yes, his door would be open, but his heart would be slammed shut.

I attended a wine and chicken wing party. A woman asked me what I do, without a hint of genuine interest. Just a taut, painted grin that turned me to stone. "You are not one of us," she and the others seemed to be saying through blank stares. Then I saw someone hand Jim Walsh a paper bag full of cash, and I knew I was out of my league. Oh, how I wanted to get a foot in that door, to bask in the warm glow of Club Jim. But it was not to be.

Door always open? So cold, Jim. So cold.

Therapeutic Whack is a little-known subdiscipline of Therapeutic Touch. The technique usually involves a solid strike with the back of the hand against the patient's temple. For more stubborn cases, the therapist may wear rings on the middle and index fingers.

Woke up the other day with an interesting thought: I think I'd prefer a death threat over a vacation. A vacation is over in a couple of weeks, but you carry a death threat with you indefinitely, wherever you go.

Note to self: cut back on spicy foods.

Are you on Facebook? Apparently, you are. Because I'm the only person in the Western Hemisphere who isn't. Everyone talks about who or what they saw on Facebook, and I just sit and stare. "Why aren't you on Facebook?" they ask. I want to say it's because I'm neither narcissistic nor do I care to see a picture of your cat wearing a bonnet. But I don't say this, because it sounds like I'm stereotyping - which I am.

So, I came up with a compromise. I am now on Facebook! I signed up over the weekend. But, I have no friends and won't seek any, either. I will just sit there, inactive, until they close my account. Then I can say, "Oh, I was on Facebook, but they kicked me off."

This may go badly.

Everyone complains about the weather, but no one shuts up about it.

Peter Jackson is The Telegram's commentary editor. He can be contacted by e-mail at pjackson@thetelegram.com.

Organizations: Sobeys, Club Jim

Geographic location: U.S., Haiti, Manhattan

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  • Corey
    July 02, 2010 - 13:27

    If the sole purpose of creating a Facebook for yourself just to let it sit idle until it is closed off, then why did you even waste your time doing it in the 1st place? I'm on Facebook myself, have been a member for a couple months now, & I enjoy it. Good way to keep in contact with your family & friends if you can't always get together in person. There is a good side to Facebook, even if you might not think so.

  • Corey
    July 01, 2010 - 20:15

    If the sole purpose of creating a Facebook for yourself just to let it sit idle until it is closed off, then why did you even waste your time doing it in the 1st place? I'm on Facebook myself, have been a member for a couple months now, & I enjoy it. Good way to keep in contact with your family & friends if you can't always get together in person. There is a good side to Facebook, even if you might not think so.