Step right up! A little closer now. Here's your chance to be a part of history in the making.
Witness the strangest and most exotic things you'll ever see. Sideshows and freak shows. We've got tigers with no teeth. Elephants with no trunks.
We've got bearded turtles and hairless apes. We've got a half woman, half man. We've got a shinto, hindu, voodoo guru.
Check it out!
It's all right here.
You think you've seen it all.
You've seen lambs lie down with lions, big boys cryin', pigs flyin'.
You've seen politicians fumble, buildings crumble, the proud tumble.
But you ain't seen nothing yet.
Now, for one time only, we've got the most amazing sight you'll ever see.
We've got a mayor. But not just any mayor.
We've got the mayor of Toronto.
He's big and jolly. He's mean and nasty.
And he smokes crack cocaine.
That's right, all you have to do is put a little money in the pot, and you can see the mayor of Toronto smoke drugs from a glass pipe.
He laughs, he coughs, he zigs and zags. He says crazy things about inner city kids.
We'll let you watch him for a full 90 seconds. That's right: 90 whole seconds.
Don't be frightened.
He doesn't bite.
He's right here, behind this curtain.
Just put in your dollar and I'll give him a holler.
Better yet, put in $50 and we'll give you this amazing book. It has all the mayor's most outrageous moments.
Or put in $150 and we'll give you a Canadian flag with my name on it.
Your own souvenir to remind you of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Could be worth millions some day.
Just step right up.
What's that, sir?
What's that you say?
You want to give your money to charity?
Well, sir, there's a little pot over there for tornado victims. And there's another one for refugees and starving orphans.
Go ahead, waste your money. Throw it away on fleeting fads. Dead people don't need your money, sir. And the living can take care of themselves.
Here's where the real action is. This is what the world has been waiting for. Never in your wildest dreams will you have another chance like this.
So, step right up, folks.
Don't be shy.
A mayor on crack.
Don't pass it by!