Cheers: to tests.
Now, drag out your old income tax forms from 2003 and ask yourself if these numbers are even close to applying to you: “From 2003 to 2013, average weekly earnings increased by 48 per cent. From 2003 to 2013, personal income increased by over 70 per cent, while disposable income increased by 72 per cent.” Because that’s not such a bad thing, if it’s true for you. (And if it isn’t true for you, does that mean someone else has cashed in on the personal income increase you didn’t get?) That’s from Minister of Finance Tom Marshall’s end-of-year press release on the fiscal performance of the province, just one of the 26 self-congratulatory news releases issued in the last two weeks by the provincial government, all lauding its own actions during 2013.
Cheers: to what not to do when your car goes off the road in Alberta. Here’s a story about a driver and a passenger, both with cellphones, who were in a car that went off the road near Pincher Creek: “With overnight temperatures dropping to around -15 C and fearing for their safety, the duo removed the crashed vehicle's seats and lit them on fire in the middle of the road, along with all of their personal belongings,” The Calgary Sun reported. “When that fire went out, the two men decided to set their car alight. ‘They actually had two fires going,’ RCMP Cpl. Jeffrey Feist said. ‘Their car was completely consumed by fire. They lit their car on fire, because they thought they were going to freeze to death.’ In the morning, the two men discovered that they were within easy walking distance of a nearby house and set off to find help.”
Jeers: to politicians and stories with no real meaning. Christopher Mitchelmore, fresh from taking part in the Great NDP Implosion of 2013, has told CBC that he plans to talk to his constituents about whether to continue as an independent or join another party. “People say they support me as an Independent. There are people who would like me to join another political party. That’s all feedback that I’m taking into consideration,” he told the CBC. And he says he might make a decision about that by the end of January. Or he might not. The plan includes “whether I look at speaking with other political parties and talking about values and ideologies and looking at a role in which I can best serve my constituents. Those will all be part of the dialogue, moving forward.” Where’s he been? The Steve Kent school of political word-puffery? Here’s a memo from the real world. Andy Warhol called, Christopher. Your 15 minutes of fame are up.
Cheers: to snow. Oh, it’s so wonderful. Heaps of it. Mounds of it. Nowhere left to put it. So beautiful and cold and white. Like a lovely big marshmallow top on everything. So pristine and special and Rob Ford says with a straight face that he is the best mayor the city of Toronto has ever had. All right. Enough baloney is enough baloney. How about spring already?