Cheers & Jeers

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Cheers: to proper nomenclature. Names are important, and often, very precise. The moose? Alces alces, which means elk elk. Pretty good description for the largest member of the deer family. (North Americans call it moose — everyone else calls it elk, while here, elk are something else again. See the need for careful naming? Look at some others. The common juniper? Juniperus communis. Red pine? Pinus resinosa. Sounds sticky, but it’s absolutely true.

Crab lice, those nasty little crotch-walkers? Phthirus pubis — the word phthirus is Latin for “consumption” and we’ll leave the rest to your imagination. But you see where this is going. Now, to Frank Coleman. The Tories like to class the good gentleman as “premier-elect,” except there’s a real problem there. He’s never been elected. Not as premier — not as MHA — not even as Tory leader. Maybe not even as hall monitor. Premier-in-waiting? Perhaps. Shoo-in? That’s another option. But maybe “premier un-elect” would be a better and more accurate term.

Jeers: to Fabian Manning. Why? Oh, there’s so much to say about the unelected Conservative mouthpiece for this province at the federal level (the body louse is known as Pediculous humanus humanus, which means body-walker — oops, sorry, that belonged up above) but this week’s offering is particularly ill-making. Manning suggested that there’s a holdover from Danny Williams’ ABC (Anything But Conservative) campaign that still means we get short shrift from Ottawa. The claim brought immediate denials both from Ottawa and from Premier Tom Marshall — making it in some ways the non-story of the week. The only thing you can take from it? Perhaps a confirmation that even the current government’s best friends believe it’s quite capable of being vindictive.

Cheers: to attempted resets. Premier Tom Marshall, on the ABC campaign that he was a part of under then-premier Williams: “That’s in the past. For me, everything started in January.” Remember when Williams was a Tory selling-point? January: that’s when the government became new. And different. Or something. “An 11-year regime when we want to be — all brand-new when we need to be.”

Jeers: to self-promotion. So you probably got the Tory-blue “Five Things to Know About Budget 2014” in your mailbox recently. It doesn’t mention this year’s $537-million deficit, but it does claim that we’ll be back in surplus next year. (Jam tomorrow, never today.) Here are a few more numbers that weren’t on the handout. Total number of mailouts: 213,182 residential drops by Canada Post. Production costs: $9,195.37 + HST. Distribution was $25,391.07 + HST. Total: $34,586.44 + HST ($4,496.18) or $39,082.62. Did you read it? Probably not. But the sugar-coated special has become a regular feature. The total costs for the Budget 2013 householder was $38,132.17, Budget 2012 was $37,188.24 and Budget 2011 was $46,399.81. So, $160,802.84 in all — here’s a question. Should the Tories pick up the cost of their own advertising, or is this a legitimate use of taxpayers’ dollars?

Organizations: Tory, Canada Post

Geographic location: Ottawa

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  • Torey Nomore
    May 20, 2014 - 10:05

    That Secret Society known as the Con Party of NL; reason number 864,322 that I cannot vote Tory no-more.