Just recently, I dug out one of my old Memorial University reference books entitled “Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods And Goddesses,” authored by Edith Hamilton.
Looking at Perseus victoriously holding the severed head of the vanquished Medusa in his left hand on the front cover, and a picture of the rather severe-looking Miss Hamilton on the back cover wearing an antiquated fur collar, I thought to myself, surely, such ancient myths are not applicable to our daily lives in the year of Our Lord 2013.
But I misspoke too quickly and upon reading more and more of this fascinating book, I began to see how relevant such myths are to our own century.
One myth in particular, given some recent news relevations in Newfoundland and Labrador politics, I found to be quite intriguing. Bear with me as I relate to you the tale of Cronus, the youngest of the 12 Titans.
Now Cronus was the son of Uranus (Heaven) and Gaea (Earth).
Now, neither Mom nor Dad could receive a reward for parenting and, worse still, neither Dr. Spock nor Dr. Phil were present to give them child-rearing counselling.
The couple already had 12 kids but each parent had a different motivation for their decision to solve their huge family problem.
Uranus, the deadbeat, fearing his kids might overthrow him, hid his kids in Tartarus, which was a deep abyss that served as a dungeon of torment and suffering. You know, much like the Americans did in recent years at Cuba’s Guantanamo and Iraq’s Abu Ghraib.
Well, his wife, Gaea, unable to access any classical birth control methods, was taking no chances with getting pregnant again.
This time she decided the randy Uranus was fathering no more children using her as an incubator, and thus she enlisted the aid of Cronus, her last offspring, to execute her cruel plan.
Let me quote some online text to make vivid the cruelty and viciousness of mother and son.
Cronus lay in wait hidden from view, and when Uranus came to lay with Gaia, Cronus struck.
With one mighty blow from a sickle, Cronus severed the genitals from Uranus’ body. From the blood which fell to the Earth (Gaia or Gaea) where born the Erinyes (Furies), the Giants and also the Meliae (Nymphs of the manna ash trees).
In other versions, Aphrodite was born from the foam created from the sex organs of Uranus, after they had been thrown into the sea by Cronus.
Gaea got some sleep; the castrated Uranus suffered an eternity of unsatisfied nights and Cronus (who had married his sister, Rhea, prior to castrating his father) and Rhea became the new rulers.
I’d like to pretend that they lived happily ever after.
Family violence and betrayal lead not to happiness but to more violence and death.
So Gerry Rogers, Christopher Mitchelmore, George Murphy and you, Dale Kirby, the Cronus of this previous tight little family, be wary of waving sickles about and penning nasty epistles in the frigid moonlight in an attempt to render your caucus leader impotent, lest the weapon slip and neuter its ambitious wielders.