Cindy-Lou Who really gets me.
I like all versions of Dr. Seuss’ little protagonist in “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” but it’s the one played by Taylor Momsen in the 2000 Jim Carrey movie that I really relate to.
“We got a snoozlephone for your brother Drew and a snoozlephone for your brother Stu, a muncle for your uncle, a fant for your aunt, and a fampa for your cousin Leon,” Cindy-Lou’s father tells her, as he looks at his shopping list in a crowded department store.
“I look around at you and Mom and everyone getting all kerbobbled,” Cindy-Lou replies. “Doesn’t this seem… superfluous?”
It’s kerbobbling and superfluous-seeming to me, too, and that’s part of the reason my family has switched in recent years to a more minimal approach to Christmas. Another reason? We really don’t need any more stuff. Really.
The best parts of the holiday season for us come from the feeling of it; the cosiness that comes with being together with family, sharing food, watching cheesy made-for-TV Christmas movies with predictably cute storylines, skating outside, seeing fairy lights shine through the snow in the nighttime and sharing kindness with others who could use some. With this year’s COVID-19 pandemic and the loss of two beloved close family members in the last five years, our perspective has especially shifted and we feel more than ever that the Christmas spirit is something to cherish — the "stuff," not so much.
“I think people can get obsessed with wanting to be seen as nice. If you feel like you’re just checking off a box or buying a gift just to get it over with, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate. This year has hopefully given people a little perspective.”
We realized years ago that the spirit was getting lost in the bustle, the commercialism, the late-night and last-minute gift wrapping, the brightly lit stores so crowded and so warm you regret your winter coat and just want to find the snoozlephone or muncle or fant or something — anything — so you can cross the person who already has everything off your shopping list and get out of there. What’s the point? It doesn’t seem particularly thoughtful and we all know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a gift we secretly don’t really want or need. The last thing any of us needs, in Whoville or not, is stuff we don’t want or won’t use and would be forced to look at for who knows how long if there are any more lockdowns.
Not only that, but it will all have to end up somewhere in the environment eventually. According to Zero Waste Canada, a non-profit environmental organization, Canadians use six million rolls of tape to wrap Christmas presents every year and generate 545,000 tons of waste in gift wrap and bags alone. By the time summer rolls around, the organization says, only one per cent of everything the average person bought at Christmastime is still in use.
That being said, sometimes traditions are important. There’s certainly a joy that comes from gift-giving and it’s lovely to let people know you’re thinking about them (and “No really, please, no gifts,” isn’t usually a response that’s taken seriously by loved ones who ask what they can get you). When you give the perfect gift that makes the recipient genuinely happy, it’s hard to deny that feeling as part of the Christmas spirit.
How do you balance it? Well, this is what my family did: we stopped feeling obligated to do everything, and to get it done fast. We started buying less and celebrating more. We substituted quality for quantity, and Christmas became, well, nicer and less stressful.
It seems like we could all use a decrease in stress this year.
“Christmas is always stressful,” my friend Christopher Miller, a psychologist in private practice at Coastal Health in St. John’s, told me. He said studies have shown the season causes a disproportionately high level of stress in women, since they’re typically the ones who do the majority of the cooking, baking, decorating, gift-buying, card-addressing, schedule-arranging and other Christmas-ing.
“There’s always a spike in anxiety, depression and substance abuse during the holidays. A recent survey showed an increase in anxiety and depression among Canadians as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic as well, so we can expect there will probably some overlap. General stress management techniques are useful and some of them may seem obvious, but they’re even more important this year.”
Re-evaluating your goals is a good start, Miller said. The pandemic has given us at least the chance to do that.
“People could ask themselves why they are giving gifts,” my friend explained. “There are some obvious answers but it’s a question that requires a lot of thought and some soul-searching. Being intentional and being deliberate at creating meaning is important in terms of managing stress but also in terms of just having a good life.”
My family still puts up a Christmas tree and exchanges gifts and goes to events, but on a smaller scale. We’ve dialed it all back and things have been much merrier.
We’ve taken Miller’s advice and learned to feel OK about not attending every single holiday get-together and event. We shop with intention and don’t buy gifts just for the sake of it, giving only things that are meaningful or that we really think the recipient will appreciate. We’ve shortened our gift list and don’t feel obligated to spend a certain amount. We love sewing/knitting/crafting/baking/otherwise creating gifts, and we like looking for kids’ gifts that double as fun and educational. We consider giving experiences over objects when we can (though I’ll be clear: we won’t ask Santa Claus to ditch the Pokémon cards and LEGO altogether).
“Giving experiences is probably my No. 1 tip for holiday gifts,” said Darryl Dinn.
A native of Labrador City, Dinn is a professional organizer with his own business, called dDeclutter.
He’s also a professional actor who has been nominated for Canadian Comedy Awards, performed with Oscar the Grouch, shot a movie with Jake Gyllenhaal and had a recurring role as one of the padded paper towel sponges in the SpongeTowel TV commercials.
“This year it will be harder given the pandemic restrictions, but in Newfoundland, where many places are still open, you could consider things like gift cards for restaurants or tickets to outdoor events,” he said.
Consumable gifts
Giving consumable gifts is another of Dinn’s tips.
“Baking something for your friends and family can be a nice Christmas thing to do, and you don’t have to spend much,” he explained. “Dollar stores often have cute packaging, like boxes and tins that can be reused for something else. Giving a gift that can have another life after the holidays is a good idea.”
Having too much “stuff” can clutter the mind as well as the house and cause stress and anxiety, Dinn said. To that end, he thinks you shouldn’t feel bad about donating gifts you’ve been given that you don’t use but are keeping for sentimental reasons.
“The item isn’t a person,” he explained. “Can you take a picture of it and then send it on its way? Giving it away doesn’t change how much love you have for the person who gave it to you, and someone else may be able to use it.”
Dinn’s favourite gift to give his loved ones is a personalized calendar: he collects photos taken of his family throughout the year, compiles them with some childhood pics and uses online programs to put them in a monthly calendar, adding in important family dates. His family members have come to look forward to it.
“I think people can get obsessed with wanting to be seen as nice,” Dinn said of the holiday rush. “If you feel like you’re just checking off a box or buying a gift just to get it over with, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate. This year has hopefully given people a little perspective.”
The ability to make all these holiday decisions is very much a privilege; even the ability to see this time of year as joyful is not a reality for everyone, since for some it represents an amplified struggle or pain. Christian privilege is also obvious, with workplaces closing in order to celebrate Christmas but not other non-Christian holidays, for instance. The bombardment of Christmas music, lights, movies, chatter, events, product packaging, school activities and other things isn’t exactly inclusive.
Contributing time or money to projects that help make life brighter for others is, for my family, a manifestation of what we feel the holiday is about. There are lots of local charities doing important work and many have dedicated Christmas or winter initiatives. Donations to Stella’s Circle, for instance, help provide services to adults facing a variety of obstacles when it comes to fully participating in the community, and donations to Ronald McDonald House Charities support programs and services for sick children and their families. Donations made to Iris Kirby House help the facility provide shelter and services to women and children fleeing abusive situations. Neighbours in Need — Newfoundland is a Facebook group that connects local people to share resources like groceries, hot meals and children’s items. The St. John’s SPCA has a number of holiday fundraising projects with the money raised helping it provide shelter and find homes for cats and dogs (charitable donations in a loved one’s name could also be a meaningful Christmas gift).
Minimal holiday, maximum joy: for us it’s a win-win.
Twitter: @tara_bradbury
