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BRAUN: Cheap smarm and gossip


DESPAIR: 1) Three bottles of Ed Sheeran’s special edition Heinz Ketchup (label says Edchup”) have been sold by Christie’s auction house for about $4,500.

Three. Bottles. Of ketchup.

2) Two grown-ass adult people are fighting for control of a cat’s Instagram account. For years, according to the New York Post , Karl Lagerfeld’s cat Choupette was featured by Ashley Tschudin on the popular @choupettesdiary. After Lagerfeld’s death, someone (likely the cat’s new owner) opened @choupetteofficiel and is posting competing photos of the fluffy feline. The cat has a store , by the way.

3) One angry leprechaun has been showing off his short fuse in public again. UFC thug Conor McGregor has been filmed sucker-punching an old guy in a bar.

BAD BEHAVIOUR: 1) “He lose his mind. It’s crazy and government has to smash him, this is my opinion,” says UFC lightweight champion Khabib Nurmagomedov. “ This is big, big disrespect, not only for this old guy, this is big disrespect for all people. . . 100% [they should arrest him]. Today he punches old guy, what’s gonna happen tomorrow? Nobody knows.”

Nurmagomedov — who thrashed Conor McGregor, we remind you — tells TMZ Sports he’d trow da bum in jail.

2) Terrifying crone Faye Dunaway is being sued by Michael Rocha, who worked as an assistant to Ms. Dunaway while she was engaged in the theatre production, Tea At Five. (Dunaway was fired from that play, allegedly for slapping crew members backstage.)

According to court papers, Rocha, who is gay, alleges Dunaway regularly humiliated him at work, calling him and others “little gay people.” She allegedly called Rocha, “A little homosexual boy,” which he recorded her saying.

BLATHER: 1) “The process of shooting was quite interesting because we had real life f—— on set which I had never shot before at all. It is quite a fun environment.”

Bella Thorne, 21, is extra super precious about the XXX movie she’s directing for Pornhub.

2) “He could shut up about it. That would be really nice. Or he could apologize or he could say, ‘I don’t really know what Bruce Lee was like. I just wrote it for my movie.’ But that shouldn’t be taken as how he really was.”

Shannon Lee, daughter of late martial arts king Bruce Lee — who is portrayed as egotistical in Once Upon A Time in Hollywood —  thinks Quentin Tarantino should put a sock in it.

3) “I thought about how much good I could do by helping people with cannabis. It was a no-brainer.”

There’s a rule that you have to report it whenever Mike Tyson uses the phrase, “no brainer”.

4) “I am kind of a ride-or-die chick. I just knew with the kind of love that Will and I share — which is beyond romantic love — that we could transform our union and figure out how to re-create what we had.”

Everyone on the planet: Please stop asking Jada Pinkett Smith about her marriage to Will Smith.

DRIVEL: 1) “It almost makes you analyze like, where you’re at in your life. It’s just giving me anxiety. I feel like I want to cry. And I don’t know why, ’cause then I’m like, ‘I have so much and I should just be so happy.’ I mean, I am. But then sometimes I’m just like, it makes you really analyze just where you’re at and then I’m like, sometimes like, what am I doing? Sometimes I’ll just do stupid s— to distract from really thinking about stuff that is maybe more important. I don’t know. But then half of me is like, live your life. Have fun.”

Never accuse Kourtney Kardashian of living an unexamined life.

2) “It’s not really madness. It’s a lot of Shania Twain. We just eat gummy bears and Cheetos and play beer pong.”

While on the Tonight Show , Post Malone understates the backstage scene to keep repellent lickspittle Jimmy Fallon from ever visiting.

3) “I talk to [ghosts]. If I’m in a weird, small town, making a movie, and I’m in a strange apartment, I will literally be like, ‘No, please, I cannot deal. Anyone else, but it cannot be me.’ Who knows what ghosts are, but there is an energy that I’m really sensitive to. Not just with ghosts, but with people. People stain rooms all the time.”

Kristen Stewart goes on and on like this for several pages in September’s Vanity Fair.

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