BOB WAKEHAM: The newest game in town

Hey, step right up, folks, we have a legislative game of chance for the ages!

Forget Chase the Ace, the sensation that prompted longer lineups in Newfoundland than did the first offering of legal cannabis and may have even forced Gamblers Anonymous to seek extra volunteers for their phone lines.

No siree — the bags of cash offered up by the Chase the Ace operators were in the minor leagues of winnings compared to the type of major-league treasure that went on display and available for consideration this past week.

And I’m talking about — drum roll, please — Chase the Member, as in MHA Paul Lane, the floor-crosser who revealed to his St. John’s suburban constituents in the Mount Pearl area this week that all three political parties (count ‘em, folks, three in total) have approached this man-without-a-caucus to talk about a possible place for him within their cosy family of MHAs.

Paul Lane, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Who’d have thought?

Yes, we know, folks, Paulie was a proud member of two of those families in the past, and yes, he left the PC bosom where he had raised partisanship to a new level, and headed across to that very same family he obviously viewed as a Newfoundland version of the Sopranos and planted a kiss of loyalty (figuratively, of course) on the cheeks of Godfather Dwight.

But, alas, the honeymoon ended with a messy divorce, and Crossing Lane was dispatched from the Liberal fold after tearing into his Godfather’s budget, and began life as an independent.

But that was in the past; now this political freelancer, this nomad, is up on tickets to a point where, if you believe the Man from the Pearl, he’s being courted by even his two former organizations, another example of the any-warm-bum-will-do ideology utilized in the search for power, in the filling of legislative seats.

And the one party that has yet to have enjoyed the pleasure of his caucus company, that has yet to have benefited from his political prowess, the NDP — two members strong — are also playing the Chase the Member game. (At least, according to Lotto Lane).

Where will he go, folks? All other matters in the province have come to a standstill as Chase the Member gains momentum. “Here and Now” is gearing up for live hits, if Anthony Germain grows tired of taking a verbal sledgehammer to Christopher Mitchelmore. The lineups will start before you can count to 52.

Ches Crosbie, the rookie leader of the PC party, who knows something of betting on the future, implied recently he had been approached by more than one MHA seeking a couch in his Tory common room. Could it possibly have been PC/Liberal/Independent Paulie?

It’s all part of the Chase the Member race. Paul Lane, the Ace of Spades, could be plucked from the deck of oblivion and inserted into whichever party has the most to offer, or the most to gag down.

And if Partisan Paul is not your cup of tea in the Chase the Member competition, you might want to consider two other possible participants, two members without a caucus, without a political family, the outcasts Dale Kirby and Eddie Joyce.

Granted, neither is in a highest-bidder category, having fallen heavily from grace, the Liberal cabinet (some people’s idea of grace, I guess), after saying and doing some cerebrally challenged (see stupid) things, making amazingly thoughtless moves while playing a political type of Growl (120s for the non-Newf readers).

And, yes, Kirby, in particular, was already carrying a certain amount of baggage, having led the revolt that destroyed the NDP’s chances of forming the government a few years back.

But, hey, let bygones be bygones — a strict rule in Chase the Member.

As for Joyce, he was the darling of the Grits for quite a while after surrendering his seat for Clyde Wells just after the ‘89 election brought the Liberals to power but left the premier a temporary loser on the west coast.

But Joyce’s eventual reward for his political martyrdom, a seat in the cabinet, is now a thing of the past, and he, too, is a prize in Chase the Member.
What a lineup, ladies and gentlemen: Paul Lane, Dale Kirby and Eddie Joyce.

No one is quite sure — I would venture to say — what Lane brings to the winning table, except, as I’ve implied, a legislative vote, a seal flipper thump on his desk whenever someone from his party so much as burps.

But Kirby and Joyce could provide some decorum to matters both inside and outside whichever caucus they might happen to join.

And, hell, even if they are glued forever to those independent seats, they can still deliver a running commentary of the dos and don’ts of insider politicking; (for example, no toking with perceived enemies, no lobbying for jobs for friends).

Sure, their apologies in the House of Assembly recently for their behaviour contained about as much sincerity as you’d find in an election-time press release.

But that’s all over and done with.

And, now, along with Lane, they are — the key word here — AVAILABLE.

Let the game begin.

Chase the Member.