Cheers: to simple descriptions of strange events. Here’s Judge Wayne Gorman, in his decision in an assault with a weapon case in Deer Lake: “On June 14, 2017, Mr. Gregory went to the Rockwood Lounge in Deer Lake with a tire iron. Mr. Gregory claims that he took the tire iron to the bar so that he could store it there in case he needed it to open the door to his residence. Mr. Gregory claimed that he often locked himself out of his residence and used a tire iron to open his door when he did so. Other individuals who were in the bar on June 14, 2017, claim that Mr. Gregory struck one of the patrons of the bar (Mr. Jamie Barnes) with the tire iron. Mr. Gregory denied having done so.” (The end result? Guilty as charged.)
Jeers: to paying the piper and the great big meter starting to run. The Muskrat Falls inquiry hasn’t started yet, but it’s booked office space for the next two years, and has gone to the government to cover the first three months of its operation. Here’s cabinet order OC2017-375, authorizing the first round of expected cash outlay: “Under the authority of subsection 4(5) of the Supply Act, 2017, the Lieutenant-Governor in Council is pleased to authorize the transfer of up to $1,570,800 from the Contingency Reserve to the Department of Justice and Public Safety, Subdivision 2.3.02 – Commission of Inquiry, for costs related to the Muskrat Falls Inquiry ending March 31, 2018.” Presumably, the next round of inquiry costs will be found in the 2018-2019 provincial budget.
Jeers: to simple lessons drivers should already know. The Royal Newfoundland Constabulary — and other police forces — have taken to social media to give lessons on obvious driving mistakes. This past week, for example, the RNC sent out a Tweet and an accompanying image to point out that, if one set of your car’s wheels are in the blue square of a handicapped spot, you’re going to get ticketed for the offence. Other forces have sent out Tweets explaining how to properly make left turns while remaining in your own lane, and how to slow down, move over and make room for stopped emergency vehicles. But here’s a simple question: if you don’t even know those basic driving rules, should you even be on the road?
Cheers: to health. After reviewing retail sales results from the lead-up to last week’s storm, the provincial government has made an executive decision to replace storm chips with storm kale and leaf lettuce salad for all future storms. The decision is expected to significantly reduce ongoing health care costs, while also enhancing digestive regularity. (Just kidding — do you really expect any provincial government would dare to get between citizens and their guilty pleasures?)