Grieving is essential to humans.
Anthropologists studying early civilizations consider it one of the first marks of an emerging religion, an early sign of a developing culture. Ritualizing the process of saying goodbye to a loved one brings order to life and death and forces us together to remember the departed and confront our own mortality.
It’s an act of community, a demonstration of what we all have in common: families, friendships and a feeling of belonging to a time and place.
And now, unbelievably in our beloved home province, we collectively mourn a tragedy of monumental proportions.
Nova Scotia is a small place; there’re only about a million of us. The death toll is so high from the weekend’s mass killing that many, if not most, of us will have some connection to one or more of the victims.
The shock of this kind of recognition was cascading across social media this week as these losses were discussed and shared.
Traditional forms of mourning have been disrupted by the other unprecedented trauma we share these days: COVID-19. The pandemic has robbed us of the chance to gather in a wake and share stories in church basements along with tables full of egg salad sandwiches and strong coffee.
We can’t stand shoulder to shoulder in a place of worship. We can’t even hug after graveside prayers to comfort one another. Most obituaries are putting off memorials or services until later.
This makes an unspeakable tragedy even worse for the families and friends of the victims, if such can be imagined. For neighbours, acquaintances and co-workers, who would just like to show up and pay their respects, it just leaves an empty feeling.
If a traditional funeral isn’t possible, how do you show you care? Some have responded by pasting hearts or blue ribbons in their windows. Halifax peace activist Quentrel Provo hosted a vigil on his Facebook page. Our masthead this week is in Nova Scotia tartan as a show of support. The province has started an online book of condolences where anyone can share their thoughts.
A private pilot took off from Halifax’s airport on Sunday and traced a heart in his flight path over the area of the killings. Others shared the pattern on social media, attracting many grateful comments.
Most of us can’t fly an airplane. But we can join the virtual vigil planned for Friday evening and organized by the Facebook group Colchester — Supporting our Communities. This gives us a chance to grieve virtually until we can all get back together and do it properly.
