“Shiny and sparkly
And splendidly bright
Here one day
Gone one night” — Michael Jackson, “Gone Too Soon”
Here’s a sorry truth: not even dying wishes are always granted.
That’s why, as you read this, Audrey Parker will have said her last goodbyes and will depart this life, even though she would’ve like to stay awhile longer.
It’s how she chose to go, with medical assistance to help her transition smoothly and hopefully free from pain, from this existence to whatever might lie beyond.
The timing, however, was not of her choosing.
At 57, the generous-hearted, vivacious Halifax woman I’ve been reading about in the newspapers might still have had weeks or months of tolerable living ahead.
But that’s not how the rules apply.
And that’s what Parker used her final days to protest against.
You see, with assisted death in Canada, you can only give consent if you are of sound mind.
And you must meet strict criteria, including suffering from the kind of debilitating illness that you will not recover from and which renders your death a certainty.
I understand those qualifications. They are in place for good reason — to ensure that the dying person has control over the circumstances of their death and that medical assistance in dying cannot be provided to someone who has become incapacitated and thus unable to reaffirm their wishes.
But like many rules, they don’t seem fair in every single case.
Audrey Parker knew that once the excruciating pain of her late-stage cancer required strong medication that could dull the sharpness of her mind, she would no longer be eligible for medically assisted death — even though the terminal nature of her illness was what made her avail of it in the first place.
It’s a dilemma that haunts me — and perhaps you — though I am thankful that I’ve never had to walk so much as a yard in Audrey Parker’s fashionable shoes, at least not yet.
And so, in order to meet death on her own terms, Parker elected to die sooner than she would have liked, rather than risk the alternative: a drawn-out death, no longer able to speak for herself.
It’s the worst kind of catch-22.
It’s a dilemma that haunts me — and perhaps you — though I am thankful that I’ve never had to walk so much as a yard in Audrey Parker’s fashionable shoes, at least not yet.
My personal nightmare is to be diagnosed with progressive dementia. I wouldn’t be able to apply for medically assisted death because my death would not be on the immediate horizon.
And, of course, you can’t get an assisted-death raincheck.
So, by the time death is lurking just around the corner in my scenario, any shred of quality of life might be a misty memory and I would be of unsound mind — left to suffer out my last days in a semi-vegetative state, perhaps no longer even able to utter a word, let alone give voice to my own wish for death with dignity.
It would all be too late.
Audrey Parker advocated for an advanced request process for medically assisted death that would have the same strict requirements, but which could be updated every 12 months as circumstances might change.
As The Canadian Press reported Wednesday, the idea has been proposed to a joint committee of the Senate and House of Commons.
“I’m changing this law,” Parker told CP reporter Michael MacDonald in a recent interview at her Halifax home. “I’m so close to changing it.”
If anyone had the will and determination to see that happen, it was Audrey Parker.
May her strong voice ever be heard.
Pam Frampton is a columnist whose work is published in The Western Star and The Telegram. Email pamela.frampton@thetelegram.com. Twitter: pam_frampton
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