Newfoundlanders (and Labradorians) could sure use him now. Imagine the fun he would have had — and his readers would have had — with the Dunderdale/Davis crowd.
Occasionally, one or other of my Telegram columnizing colleagues or I fall prey to insufferable name-callers who can’t compose a cogent critique and so issue what they deem to be the ultimate insult: “You must think you’re Ray Guy.”
Uh, no. Nobody in this line of work could be that stunned and still pound out 600 words every week that the boss deems worthy of payment.
But I digress. This Saturday, fine citizens of Sin Jawns will once again pay homage to the great, unequalled, sincerely missed Ray Guy. The second annual “Ray day,” at which anyone can get up and read from Guy’s various writings, will be held 2:30-5:30 p.m. at The Republic, 379 Duckworth St.
To mark the occasion, this week I offer random and sundry quotes from Ray’s columns in The Northeast Avalon Times, for which he wrote during the last decade of his life. (Don’t ask me how I have access to these, and thus don’t force me to tell.)
• “Long ago, when I went to scribblers school, we were taught that the average mental age of a newspaper reader was 13 years. What must it be today, with television and reverse home mortgaging added to the muddle? Are we all knocking on the playhouse door of the 10-year-old? … With some of our cabinet ministers, average mental age must verge on the pre-natal.”
• “Danny Williams is still so high up the polls he must have his oxygen sent up to him. The like has not been known since the days of JRS. Is it Danny Christ or is it Jesus Williams? … Perhaps that, too, is the result of the wisdom of the great Newfoundland voter. Stick in the Strong Man and make sure the rest of them haven’t got the brains to be dangerous. That’s not quite fair — a few of them are indeed able to tie their own shoelaces, but they have to ask Danny’s permission first.”
• “Show me a Newfoundlander who’ll willingly take the blame for anything and I’ll show you a freak fit for the circus. Since there’s no hope of communal blame for our dismal mess, the best we can do is flush out a few scapegoats.”
• “I know who St. John’s Mayor Andy Wells puts me in mind of — The Incredible Hulk. He puffs himself up like a brick shirthouse exploding in slow motion. It’s a damaging sight for milch cows, small children and pregnant women. Hens have been known to stop laying as far away as Bay Bulls. Andy has only got the one trick and he’s been playing it over and over for all the years he’s been cock of the city walk. Say ‘Boo!’ loud enough and everyone will be scared spitless. What does that say about Townies?”
• “I was never much good at sums. But with only four in opposition and 40-odd in government and Danny Boy’s own approval at 85 per cent, it seems to me that a hefty percentage of that great nameless, faceless, voiceless mob must have got where they are only on Dan the Man’s coattails. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And then have a stiff double on me.”
• “All the hard-won principles and practices of the two-party system — of Her Majesty’s Government and Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition — combined to hammer out what is called democracy are, in Newfoundland today, a pale shadow and a sorry joke. How did we get to this? Forgive me, but look in the mirror.”
Brian Jones is a copy editor at The Telegram. He can be reached at [email protected].
Newfoundlanders (and Labradorians) could sure use him now. Imagine the fun he would have had — and his readers would have had — with the Dunderdale/Davis crowd.
Occasionally, one or other of my Telegram columnizing colleagues or I fall prey to insufferable name-callers who can’t compose a cogent critique and so issue what they deem to be the ultimate insult: “You must think you’re Ray Guy.”
Uh, no. Nobody in this line of work could be that stunned and still pound out 600 words every week that the boss deems worthy of payment.
But I digress. This Saturday, fine citizens of Sin Jawns will once again pay homage to the great, unequalled, sincerely missed Ray Guy. The second annual “Ray day,” at which anyone can get up and read from Guy’s various writings, will be held 2:30-5:30 p.m. at The Republic, 379 Duckworth St.
To mark the occasion, this week I offer random and sundry quotes from Ray’s columns in The Northeast Avalon Times, for which he wrote during the last decade of his life. (Don’t ask me how I have access to these, and thus don’t force me to tell.)
• “Long ago, when I went to scribblers school, we were taught that the average mental age of a newspaper reader was 13 years. What must it be today, with television and reverse home mortgaging added to the muddle? Are we all knocking on the playhouse door of the 10-year-old? … With some of our cabinet ministers, average mental age must verge on the pre-natal.”
• “Danny Williams is still so high up the polls he must have his oxygen sent up to him. The like has not been known since the days of JRS. Is it Danny Christ or is it Jesus Williams? … Perhaps that, too, is the result of the wisdom of the great Newfoundland voter. Stick in the Strong Man and make sure the rest of them haven’t got the brains to be dangerous. That’s not quite fair — a few of them are indeed able to tie their own shoelaces, but they have to ask Danny’s permission first.”
• “Show me a Newfoundlander who’ll willingly take the blame for anything and I’ll show you a freak fit for the circus. Since there’s no hope of communal blame for our dismal mess, the best we can do is flush out a few scapegoats.”
• “I know who St. John’s Mayor Andy Wells puts me in mind of — The Incredible Hulk. He puffs himself up like a brick shirthouse exploding in slow motion. It’s a damaging sight for milch cows, small children and pregnant women. Hens have been known to stop laying as far away as Bay Bulls. Andy has only got the one trick and he’s been playing it over and over for all the years he’s been cock of the city walk. Say ‘Boo!’ loud enough and everyone will be scared spitless. What does that say about Townies?”
• “I was never much good at sums. But with only four in opposition and 40-odd in government and Danny Boy’s own approval at 85 per cent, it seems to me that a hefty percentage of that great nameless, faceless, voiceless mob must have got where they are only on Dan the Man’s coattails. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And then have a stiff double on me.”
• “All the hard-won principles and practices of the two-party system — of Her Majesty’s Government and Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition — combined to hammer out what is called democracy are, in Newfoundland today, a pale shadow and a sorry joke. How did we get to this? Forgive me, but look in the mirror.”
Brian Jones is a copy editor at The Telegram. He can be reached at [email protected].
